Getting to THIS entry today, has been a challenge. BUT GOD. The premise of it, is that, JESUS wants us to eat of the promises, of HIS LOVE. He wants us to partake, and receive as well as digest, the GOOD. Many of us are used to doing THIS with the bad.
As a kid, i had a parent who would say, “Expect the good, and prepare for the worst.” Sadly, most think that way. They don’t however recognize, that The first part, gets LOST in the second. It is LIKE they switch places somehow. This definitely has happened to me, and our family. Yet, the awesome LOVE of GOD, always conquers, as we allow it to overcome.
Agreement with HIS plans, not just belief is part of partaking. I think many of us know this, but sometimes get moved by the circumstances around us. Thank GOD for HIS Grace. Thank GOD for HIS mercy. Thank GOD for HIS LOVE. To be able to say, I am sorry. To be willing to let HIM change us. Not for our comfort, because it is VERY uncomfortable.
To FORGIVE when something comes against someone we LOVE, and they lash out, is often a challenge. But God. It can ONLY be done, in FULL by HIS LOVE and wrapped, in HIS Grace. There was a time, that there was Grace to learn about the BAD. For some, that has changed, and it is TIME to ONLY receive the GOOD, and the BEAUTIFUL.
Only HIS LOVE can reframe our hearts, minds, and spirits. ONLY HIS LOVE will bring HEALING. But, how does one, who has NEVER known it, recognize it? It feels like foreign territory, at first, to be HONEST. I can say that, because eventhough I arrived, on THIS planet, by the LOVE of GOD. I had LOTS of trouble showing it. Because, everytime I tried, it was rejected.
SO, I felt rejected. Have you ever experienced this? Putting your heart and soul into something, and having it discarded, can just seem devastating. At first, we want to just give up, and not try again. But we do, eventually, until we become so wounded and HURT, that we can’t, in the same way, as we began.
I have come before God, asking for forgiveness, and repenting of my wrongs. Yet, my greatest struggle has not been, in HIS forgiveness. The battle that has been MOST intense, for me, and my family, is FORGIVENESS of ME. Why is that? Why did I get tired of tasting the good? Was it weariness? Was it FEAR? Perhaps, it was more than one reason. But, the FACT is, that when I refused to forgive myself, I was dishonoring God.
I wasn’t trying to hurt God, on purpose. I would NEVER hurt anyone, on purpose. Because, I know how PAIN feels. I do my best to encourage our “Heavenly Kids” to ALWAYS be KIND. I want to CHOOSE the GOODNESS of GOD< consistently, and never EVER fall prey to the BAD choices. But, sometimes, I do. I am so NOT perfect. I simply pray, that somehow in the midst of my imperfections, HIS LOVE, will BREAK through.
This morning, the 5th, Grace and Favor; I woke up. When I did, I got in our vehicle. But before that, I chose HIS BEHICLE. I went to HIS word, and ATE of the GOODNESS and LOVE of God. To honor HIS desires, and to allow HIM to bring about that, from HEAVEN to EARTH. A BEHICLE, is the BIBLE has a vehicle. 😉 He wants US to just BE in HIS LOVE.
That means, that HIS LOVE guides and transforms, everything we touch!!!! How awesome is THAT! But, how does that happen? One moment at a time. In the vehicle this morning, I heard a few songs. The VERY first one, was called “GRACE WINS.”
In my weakest moment I see you
Shaking your head in disgrace
I can read the disapointment
Written all over your face
Here comes those whispers in my ear
Saying who do you think you are
Looks like you’re on your own from here
Cause grace could never reach that far
But, in the shadow of that shame
Beat down by all the blame
I hear you call my name sayin it’s not over
And my heart starts to beat
So loud now, drowning out the doubt
I’m down but I’m not out
There’s a war between guilt and grace
And they’re fighting for a sacred space
But I’m living proof
Grace wins every time
No more lying down in death’s defeat
Now I’m rising up in victory
Singing hallelujah
Grace wins every time
Words can’t describe the way it feels
When mercy floods a thirsty soul
A broken side begins to heal
And grace returns what guilt has stole
And, in the shadow of that shame
Beat down by all the blame
I hear you call my name sayin it’s not over
And my heart starts to beat
So loud now, drowning out the doubt
image: http://static.urx.io/units/web/urx-unit-loader.gif
I’m down but I’m not out
There’s a war between guilt and grace
And they’re fighting for a sacred space
But I’m living proof
Grace wins every time
No more lying down in death’s defeat
Now I’m rising up in victory
Singing hallelujah
Grace wins every time
For the prodigal son, grace wins
For the woman at the well, grace wins
For the blind man and the beggar, grace wins
For always and forever, grace wins
For the lost out on the street, grace wins
For the worst part of you and me, grace wins
For the theif on the cross, grace wins
For a world that it lost
There’s a war between guilt and grace
And they’re fighting for a sacred space
But I’m living proof
Grace wins every time
No more lying down in death’s defeat
Now I’m rising up in victory
Singing hallelujah
Grace wins every time
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/matthew-west/grace-wins-lyrics/#xr5XLKf6MKTW2UvL.99
I TRULY believe SONGS like THIS are PART of TASTING HIS RAINBOW. They are a HUGE reminder, that there is NO PLACE WE CAN GO, WHERE HIS LOVE LEAVES US, and HIS GRACE IS NOT PRESENT. The ONLY IMPOSSIBLE, is for anything but HIS LOVE to conquer.
My prayer is that the children He has given, will grow up, married to Jesus. To be honest, I really did not. I grew up, looking for good, and seeming to be consumed by the bad. But, I kept crying out to God. Because, even when I could not feel HIM, or it appeared He left me, HE was still there.
It was like, before I even consciously said YES, to Jesus, I was HIS. I belonged to HIM, and HE was the ONLY one who really got me. Yet, so many times, I betrayed HIM. I justified my actions, thoughts, and I quite simply took bait, that was meant to harm me. But God. I would love to say, I never struggle now. That suddenly everything was perfect, in my life. But, the fact is, sometimes things are challenging.
I absolutely CAN say that HE perfects our lives. HIS LOVE causes us to appreciate the MOST difficult times, people, places, and things. Because, WE know what it IS, to count it ALL JOY. Boy, have WE learned that one the HarD way. I used to worry what others think. Now, I am RESTING more each day, in HIS thoughts. My HOME is in JESUS. My marriage is in Jesus, and with HIM.
I love my earthly spouse, HE is a beautiful, man of God. I am very grateful for him. Most of ALL, I am grateful for HIS dedication to JESUS. I continue to say, I don’t mind being second. Because logically, if Jesus is first, the earthly spouse is second right? One problem….GOD is not looking at it that way. He sees it as, if JESUS is first then the spouse is part of HIM, and so they are first THROUGH JESUS.
WE FEAR bad things, when there is something unsurrendered. We misunderstand life, and challenges, when our heart is hurting, and ultimately not fully GIVEN to Jesus. When I woke up today, it was around 9 something. Usually I get up early, but WE have felt a bit more tired lately. So, today, I rested. When I woke, I ate of the word of God. Because, it is HIS LOVE on the page. I see that now. It took me years, to SEE. He just kept showing me. He was so patient and loving, as I kept trying. When ALL He wanted was my heart, and my REST.
So now, one day, one moment, WE REST in HIS time, ways. GRACE is JESUS. When He says, my Grace is sufficient, He is saying so much. When He reminds us, it is perfected in our weaknesses, that says a lot too. His GRACE is who HE IS. It is HIS LOVE, POWER, MIGHT, LIGHT, STRENGTH, JOY, HOPE and EVERYTHING HE IS and IS GIVEN to HEAL US. He is a deliverer, a best friend, a brother, a father, and many many many more beautiful attributes. Quite simply, He is EVERYTHING in our lives.
The world will try to sway us. But, our JOB is not to moved, from the fastening of GOD. WE must stay in the palm of HIS hand. WE must REST. RESIST EVIL STAND THANKFUL. I realized today, that instead of us resisting GOd’s transformation, we must resist the ways of the world. THAT is so very simple. BUT, so very profound too. God blesses us daily. The storms have purpose.
THERE really IS NO need for worry. We can make good choices, or bad choices. WE can fear this or that. But, the fact is HIS GRACE is sufficient. His power is perfected in our weaknesses. I see that verse in TRUTH more and more daily. It is what this ministry is built on. Jentzen Franklin reminds us, “in storms, to use the bread crumbs from before.” I believe God gave HIM that. Because, it is those crumbs, when we want a FEAST, that create ONE!
Look at the feeding of the 5,000. These young little babes, come in, with an opportunity, to join Jesus. They have an opportunity to marry HIM. I pray daily, for our children, the ones we have and will have. I pray that God give them spouses, that have a desire for GOOD, and for JESUS. Even if they don’t fully understand that. WE have given too much weight to the BAD. It is time, we do as commanded, and FOCUS on the GOOD. For that is where Jesus dwells.
HE is the best spouse ever. Whenever I do something well, or my husband David, it is because of the LOVE of Jesus. If I had to chose again, I would still chose HIM. I would chose for HIM to use us, and our family to bring Heaven. Yes, there are tough times, and persecution. But, our hearts and lives are HIS. IT is the ONLY way out of the dark. HIS LIGHT shines the way.
Matthew 5:16Amplified Bible (AMP)
16 Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good deeds and moral excellence, and [recognize and honor and] glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Jesus gives us that LIGHT.
Shine today, because the dark seems stronger, but it NEVER will be stronger than HIS LOVE.
As I begin to prepare to write this, it felt like so much got stirred up. I had no plan to write today. Little did I know, that God did. 😉 The title is about color. His LOVE is all about every color and nationality. His promise symbol is the rainbow. It has so many colors!!!!
I have said so many times, “That is a horse of a different color. ” Yesterday, someone said to me, “Aren’t we all?” That really hit me. I thought, “YES! WE ARE!!!” God meant for us all to work together. But, other things took place, and well complicated things a bit. Look in scripture, and you will see the challenges, and the trials. But, the GOOD NEWS, is in HIM we are the SAME color.
The color is HIS LOVE. It is every color you can fathom, and a few you probably cannot. 😉 The point is EVERYONE deserves HIS LOVE. Jesus came to save the least last and LOST. That is ALL of us! WE all have been broken, and in some ways, against God. I know there is good and evil. I am not in any way, saying we should not separate. I am simply saying, JESUS LOVES anyway. He changes the color from Fear to LOVE.
Faith passes away. Hope passes away. BUT, HIS LOVE stays. It is stuck to us like HOLY GLUE. WE can run, but we will never OUTRUN HIS LOVE. NOT EVER. Even those who have a destiny toward the bad, have an opportunity out. They just may not choose it. But, God handles that. OUR JOB is to LOVE.
The world will show colors, and if WE are not in a place of HIS LOVE and REST, we will get affected, from a negative place. JESUS was moved with compassion, mercy, grace, and LOVE. Should we NOT be? Forgive us LORD. For name calling, and holding onto offenses. For standing from places of pride, and calling it truth. Forgive us for doing it in a way that dishonors you. Make it right Lord. Bring us HEAVEN.
I have heard people say, “If someone shows you their true colors, believe them.” I have something else to add. LOVE them anyway. THAT can be impossible, without JEsus, and without a really DEEP connection to HIM. Even with one, we are not guaranteed a suffering free life, or one without difficulty. People get so religulous, and religious with condemning, that the LOVE gets LOST.
It is time we ask Jesus to find it, resurrect it and restore it. Because HE will. I look forward to it. We have endured a lot, through Jesus, and we will more. But, I finally see why. I finally am starting to see the point, and purpose. It is ALL about the LOVE. HIS name is JESUS!!!!!!
This morning, in this month of Heavenly Grace, I woke up to an odd smell. It was on my clothes. I think it may have been cat pee. I had a choice, I could get mad, or I could rejoice. I was woken up, with such JOY inside!!!! I chose, not to be moved, by it, and to praise GOD! I say this, because, if I had allowed it, to move me away from God, it would not profit HIM.
I am not telling you, that I never have a day, where I am not moved by strange stuff. But, I can say, that when woke up early now, more often than not, it is a HAPPY thing. I am so honored that He chooses, to give me another day. One to breathe, one to smile, one to rejoice!!! Perhaps this is what He means, about rejoicing in ALL times.
What does it profit a man, if He gains the world, but loses his soul? Not only, does it not profit man, but it dishonors heaven. I don’t know about you, but I truly desire to honor Heaven. I believe it happens a little at a time. I remember when I believed, ignorantly, that I had to DO to exist. I truly believed, I had to earn my keep, in a way that was obvious to God. When in truth, ALL He requires, is that we LOVE, and exist.
People have said, LOVE does not pay the bills. But, it DOES! When we are letting HIM LOVE through us in every area, they every single thing becomes a JOY!!!! The money, becomes not a worry, but an added Grace. Another once said, that LOVE is not what makes the world go round. But, in HIS world it is.
I have a hard time, watching things that appear unloving. But, I am grateful, when God reveals, the root of it all, is LOVE. Anything GOOD and HOLY is rooted in LOVE. It is rooted in HIS LOVE. People, who have been hurt by judgements, often feel real LOVE, does not exist. But, having been around almost 40 years, I can tell you, that IT DOES! His name is JESUS.
He is the author an finisher, of our FAITH, and HIS LOVE story. He literally writes it on our hearts. To quote, a beautiful, child of God. 🙂 (Francesca Batistelli.) My husband and I, and our family, are having many adventures. Who is watching? Well, EVERYONE!!!! But, the most important audience we have, is HEavEN. 🙂
Ultimately, we have a choice, every single day. God has given us the Grace to feel. But, I truly do NOT believe we have the Grace, to live by those feelings, forever. At some point, we have to begin to LIVE by HIS LOVE and word. The ONLY way to do so, is to receive it, from HIS heart.
The chosen COGS are being called to a higher standard. Every day, we are called, to climb higher, the holy stairway into Heaven. We are called to not only LIVE from there, but LOVE from there. It is our HOME. As a child, I thought like a child. I reasoned like a child. I still have a child like spirit, but I think differently. Children, see through filters, that should be of HIS LOVE. But, so many get stuck in hurt. It is time, Jesus be allowed to clean the filters. It can only be done, with Heavenly washing.
So, today, be NOT moved by who is watching, and who is NOT watching. Be moved by the LOVE. Let it cause you to smile, laugh, rejoice, and be revived today. HIS JOY is our strength, and above ALL else, the GREATEST of HIS GRACES is LOVE. In the end, when all other Kingdoms crumble, IT alone will remain. 🙂
1 Corinthians 13Amplified Bible (AMP)
The Excellence of Love
13 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not [a]love [for others growing out of God’s love for me], then I have become only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal [just an annoying distraction].2 And if I have the gift ofprophecy [and speak a new message from God to the people], and understand all mysteries, and [possess] all knowledge; and if I have all [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love [reaching out to others], I am nothing.3 If I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body [b]to be burned, but do not have love, it does me no good at all.
4 Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant.5 It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured.6 It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail].7 Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].
8 Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]. But as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for the gift of special knowledge, it will pass away.9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part [for our knowledge is fragmentary and incomplete].10 But when that which is completeand perfect comes, that which is incomplete and partial will pass away.11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.12 For now [in this time of imperfection] we see in a mirror dimly [a blurred reflection, a riddle, an enigma], but then [when the time of perfection comes we will see reality] face to face. Now I know in part [just in fragments], but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known [by God].13 And now there remain: faith [abiding trust in God and His promises], hope [confident expectation of eternal salvation], love [unselfish love for others growing out of God’s love for me], these three [the choicest graces]; but the greatest of these is love.
I was not particularly “normal,” as a child. So, I’m not sure why I thought, our “kids” might be. In any case, normal, we are not, except when it pertains to HIM. I suppose my point it, when it comes to HEavEN, and GOD, we are so VERY normal. BUT, when it comes to THIS world, some seem to find us, odd.
This entry was prompted by a film. Last night, after much deliberating, and praying, we saw the movie, “Miracles from Heaven. ” I remember a year ago, I was out with our daughter. I saw the title, and the book cover, and took a picture. But, I had NO IDEA, how important, it would be. I was supposed to go see it, about a week, before I did. But God. His time is perfect. By faith, we went last night.
All through the movie, I cried, and David cried. It was healing, and yet very hard to watch. I just kept hearing the Lord. He kept speaking, “I’m here, holding your hand.” My husband usually drops my hand half way through a movie is done. But, THIS time, He held my hand, from start to finish. Not once, did HE let go. Not just my husband, but JESUS. How incredible is that???
Watching this sweet little angel, onscreen recount her experience, we could so relate. Not only to the challenges they faced, physically. But, also to the persecution, which I think they barely touched on. The people calling them names, gossiping about them, not believing, and judging. Where was the LOVE? I’ll tell you where. IN the children!
Jesus says to “Come as a child. ” To let nothing hinder, the “children” because the kingdom of Heaven is made of such as these. Our daughter, who went home in 2013, she personified a life, of Grace, Mercy, and LOVE, through Jesus. Whenever she came into the room, the presence of Heaven was so strong. My husband and I literally stood at attention.
i’m not going to lie, and say that walking through this process, has been easy. It STILL is NOT easy. But, I absolutely will tell YOU, that HE has NEVER let go of my hand. In the movie, the wife battled unbelief and doubts. The husband appeared stronger, and more grounded in his faith. I asked my husband, “Do you think He really was that way? Or, was he just holding it together, because He had to?”
I have been forced to be the “strong” one. I did not like it, and even now, when I am called upon to do so, I HAVE to ask “JESUS” to do so, through me. Because, I will fail. But, a dear friend reminded me, THAT is necessary. JESUS succeeded by NEVER taking HIS eyes off HIS FATHER. We must succeed by never removing ours, from JESUS. You know why? HE does it the right way. He did then, and does so now. But, it looks different, to us, and maybe to others.
When our youngest daughter went to Heaven, to stay, it felt like my heart was literally ripped OUT of my body. I died too, and went with her. In fact, my physical body was so deeply affected, that a year or so, after she went, my heart stopped. It was not for a long time, and thank GOD, did not accrue damage. But, it did STOP. I thought, before that happened, that Sarah should be the star. But, she was not here anymore. But, SHE is. Just not, in a way that often makes sense to others. Anyway, Jesus in her was the star.
When I had MY encounter, I was surrounded by so much LOVE. ALL those who had gone before were present. And I looked up to Jesus, and said, “As much as I want to stay, and I REALLY do, because THIS is my HOME, I cannot. I am not finished yet. ” He looked at me, and smiled, and thanked me. This truly touched me. I loved being around my Heavenly Family. I was finally HOME, and FREE.
I have ready many books about people, having similar experiences. Instead of coming back sad, I came back JOYFUL, and on FIRE. But, it only lasted a few weeks. Then, I felt discouraged, because it seemed no one was listening. But GOD. He reminded me, that even in the deepest darkest places, HE is there. That, just because things appear one way, does not mean that they ARE. That, HIS LOVE is GOOD and it has conquered. Essentially, He reminded me, that as long as He is holding my hand, we can jump into or out of anything.
The reason this entry is so personal, is because, in my heart, and in my spirit I ache with God. As others anguish, and suffer, so we suffer as a body. I always wanted a family, that loved and served God. Now, I have one. Not that every person in the family is the same. But, we are all called to HIS heart, to be loved. To be embraced, by Heaven, is beautiful, and at times exhausting. I was thrilled to see my mom, dad, children, and others. When I get to a place, sometimes that feels dark, I think of that, and smile. That little piece of Heaven, was and is such a gift.
When I was running, from door to door, while asking God, what is this for? He held my hand. With every despair and demand. He held my hand. In every dream. He held my hand. When ripped apart at the seams, He held my hand. When I was bleeding out. He held my hand. His breath, repaired, and new blood transfused. He held my hand. Through EVERY storm. He held my hand. Broken and worn. He held my hand. Through every rejection. He held my hand. With every exception, He held my hand. Through every death. He held my hand. Through every birth. He held my hand. In every instance, when I felt I was on shifting sand, my ROCK never moved, and HE NEVER ever let go of my hand. He kissed my wounds, He held my hand. With every bruise, He held my hand. Every persecution, accusation and curse that came. He held my hand, and sheltered me from MORE pain. His blood stain, is what makes me clean. He held my hand.
For days I have been meditating on this entry. What does it mean to DANCE with Jesus? A dance partner, requires complete trust. You are putting your life, in his or her hands. The more experienced partner leads. He is indeed, our loving leader. He is GRACE. Therefore, even when we fall, it can be graceful. But, we have to say YES. It starts with that one word.
Remember the Just say NO campaign? Who prospered it? God did. He gave them the great ideas, to reach out to families. I know, there were other agendas, but what I remember is the GOOD purpose. That was and IS to SAVE us. To keep us from ALL harm. I used to think, if I just stayed away from drugs, and tried my best to live a good life, THAT would be enough. But, I was striving to WIN God’s Love. Like, it was a prize I got, only when GOOD. But the TRUTH is, HIS LOVE is ALWAYS present.
I was reading a book today, and in it, it discusses a scenario. It was of a man and his brother. The brother was observing his walk with God. One man, was not in love with God, and because of the observation, was terrified to LOVE HIM. Oh, did this convict me. Tears welled up in my eyes. I cried out to HIM. I said, “I am so sorry, if anything I did, or said, drove someone away from YOU.” I say that now, to anyone who may have been, one of those, pushed from God, instead of to HIM. Please forgive me, and give HIM another chance. Because ALL God wants from us is to RECEIVE His LOVE.
So many, focus on everything that has to be changed. But, HE just wants to dance. He wants to be our partner. He desires to be our best friend. He wants our hearts. Years ago, I heard a song called, “The Dance.” It was back, when I listened to lots of country music. Even then, I looked for God in everything. I was a teenager, and I just wanted to find my way. I just hoped it was HIS. I remember equating this song to relationships. But now, I see it as how Jesus felt. Let me explain.
It’s all about, how He was glad He did not know, what was coming. I believe Jesus did not fully know, until HE KNEW, what would come, then and now. When He said yes, it was because, He loves us, and loves HIS Father. I believe He only had glimpses of the battle, but yet, had complete PEACE in the process. WHAT an example we have to follow! He never chose to doubt the plans of Heaven. He just allowed what to come, to come.
His life on earth, was a dance with Heaven. Because of it, WE can now, dance with Jesus. We can now, hurt with HIM, heal with HIM, and LOVE through HIM. Many of us have lived a LIFE in the middle. We sort of stayed somewhere between good and bad. But, JESUS, only CHOSE the GOOD. Which means, when someone did something, that He did not agree with, many times, He would overlook it. He took it to HIS Father.
I woke from a dream. In it, I was singing, and praising God, as my spirit cried out for holiness. For He says, “When you PASS through the waters, I will BE with YOU.” This is so important to remember.
This song came across my FB page today…
“Tell Your Heart To Beat Again”
You’re shattered
Like you’ve never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you’re never gonna get back
To the you that used to beTell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again
Beginning
Just let that word wash over you
It’s alright now
Love’s healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
Cause your story’s far from over
And your journey’s just begun
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again
Let every heartbreak
And every scar
Be a picture that reminds you
Who has carried you this far
‘Cause love sees farther than you ever could
In this moment heaven’s working
Everything for your good
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again
Your heart to beat again
Beat again
Oh, so tell your heart to beat again
THIS is such a powerful song, by Danny Gokey. The very first time I heard it, was so powerful. I was with a dear sister, who is really enduring a lot. She and her little angels, were out and about. We were about to go inside, for lunch. But God intervened. A song came on, and before he sang, the music drew me. she said, “Well, let’s listen.” So, we did. We both wept. It was such a piece of Heaven on earth.
After the song was over, I found myself still struggling with it. Only NOW, days later, am I able to receive what it says and means. Because, the first time, I need to be honest. I just thought, “I don’t want to!!!!!” Not just like a screaming 2 year old. But, from the depths of my soul. I realized that I was asking God to give me a reason to BE.
Have you ever felt that way? Like NOTHING in the natural is how it should be? Because, I was there. Separated from everything, but GOD. I was at the door of the prison, ready to walk OUT. The doors were OPEN. But, I was so used to the pain, the hurt, the darkness. I had lived THERE for so LONG. I was always with Jesus. But, I was THERE, in the dark hidden away.
The problem is, in that cavernous place, the GOOD cannot stay. It requires coming out of the DARK places, to experience MORE of the GLORY of God. For it is formed within the darkness. But, eventually, it is BIRTHED into the LIGHT.
Eventually WE must take the hand of JESUS, and WALK OUT and AWAY from the darkness. It does not mean, He will never send us to be of rescue. It means, WE will not be PART of the DARK. Yesterday, I did my best to explain something. Someone was sharing their intrigue with a certain book and movie series. My response was simple. “I don’t go there anymore. I do NOT fault those who do. I simply know, that I cannot.” I stay in the LIGHT with Jesus. It is where my HOME IS. It is where it is SAFE. And, Because HIS LOVE keeps growing, IT is the palace of Victory.
More insight on the scripture, “When you PASS through the waters, I will BE with YOU.” It is not just literal water. Sometimes it is. BUT, it also refers to the water of LIFE, and Death. For, we are ALL dying. Only He knows when our last day, on earth will be. But, anyone can DIE for HIM. He wants us to LIVE for and WITH Him. Can everyone do that? They CAN, but WILL they? According to the word of God, the answer is no, not ALL will. But, I know that I will, and our family will. I know this, because, our test in LIFE and our destiny is every breathe with and for Jesus.
In my life, very early on, there was a bridge to Jesus. It was called PAIN. I am not saying it was a friend. Nor, am I implying that it was good. But, it DROVE me to HIM. It was a vehicle in my life. When people threw stones, ridiculed me, slandered, lied, and even threatened; it was my path back HOME.
In the arms of the ONE, who LOVES me, is where I belong. But, when life is okay, or seems that way, it is so easy to take GOD for granted. I am almost 40 years old. In that time frame, there has been MANY trials and testings. There have been times, where I truly believed, I was hated by God.
Life did NOT make sense to me. In the experience I had, that meant I was hated. But, things in HIS world, and by HIS LOVE, are very different. It sounds strange to say this. But, now when I feel pain, I smile. I used to cry, and ask God where He was. I was taught to rely on my feelings, which was NOT a safe thing. In the KINGDOM of Heaven, and by it, you rely on His word, and HIS LOVE. You learn, that whether of not, you FEEL it, HIS LOVE is around.
In the most difficult times, I have been challenged to let JESUS alone, BE my faith. I had someone share with me today, something so kind. She said, “I can hear the strength in your voice.” I sure don’t feel strong. I feel so worn, and most often, like I’d love to turn back time. But, I can’t and so, I sit with Jesus. I weep with Him. I hope with Him. To be honest, sometimes, I yell at Him. I ask HIM, what was the purpose, and what IS the purpose.
He reveals. even deeper the LOVE He has for me, and for you. To receive it, takes courage. Because, the world, will keep trying to say it is wrong. It will lie, and say it won’t save you. But, having LIVED through HELL, so many times, I can tell you; it CAN and it WILL Save you. It already has. It simply is just a matter of reception.
The other day, I watched a movie, with the same title as this entry. It was about a book store, that came from a tragedy. It started me wondering, what has come from ours? I’m reminded that the pain, has always led me back to the cross. That place, where I FIRST met Jesus. The place where regrets died, and every good, bad, ugly, or beautiful thing, died too. But, you know what else happened? The GOOD was resurrected there. It IS still.
I repented to God for allowing the pain, to be a problem. Or, allowing it to sway my emotions. For all those, who said they would BE here, leaving us, or me. For allowing the hurt, to comfort me, for SO LONG, instead of Jesus, I apologized. ALL the times, I ran to others, instead of HIS arms, I laid down. All the guilt, that I held onto, like a security blanket, I gave up. Does that mean, I just woke up ALL better?
Well, NO. What it means, is that the process keeps going. Even if WE stop, HIS process of LOVE, Healing, and purpose, continues on. JESUS is the BRIDGE to the Father in Heaven. He is also the reason, that WE can connect to the spirit of God. Day to day, HIS LOVE is a river of LIFE that flows.
In teaching us to just BE in His presence, He shows us the sweetest and most beautiful parts of HIS heart. It is NOT easy. As our flesh gets crucified, it often FEELS just unbearable. BUT, HIS LOVE is the BRIDGE to the healing. HIS LOVE is what gives us the breath, the strength, and the ability to move forward. His LOVE is what brings us NEW LIFE. It is truly the BRIDGE out of the darkness. The bridge, out of nowhere is named JESUS.
I remembered that in 2010, a book came out. My very first one. I did not like the title. Because, quite frankly, I was scared. I was so afraid, that if I obeyed God, only BAD would keep coming. But, what I did not realize, was what looked BAD, only covered the good up. Sometimes, there are things that look SO awful. There could NOT possibly, BE anything positive, that came out of them. But God. In the worst place, HIS LOVE is present.
It is SO easy to look at what was NOT, or will NOT BE. But, in HIS eyes, everything resides. All the things that did NOT Happen here, DO in HIS arms. The world, will see Heaven invade. But, without a desire for HIS plan, they might not notice.
“But ask the beasts, and they will teach you; the birds of the heavens, and they will tell you; or the bushes of the earth, and they will teach you; and the fish of the sea will declare to you. Who among all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind.
For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.
But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates.
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”
Then I saw thrones, and seated on them were those to whom the authority to judge was committed. Also I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded for the testimony of Jesus and for the word of God, and those who had not worshiped the beast or its image and had not received its mark on their foreheads or their hands. They came to life and reigned with Christ for a thousand years.
After this I saw another angel coming down from heaven, having great authority, and the earth was made bright with his glory. And he called out with a mighty voice, “Fallen, fallen is Babylon the great! She has become a dwelling place for demons, a haunt for every unclean spirit, a haunt for every unclean bird, a haunt for every unclean and detestable beast. For all nations have drunk the wine of the passion of her sexual immorality, and the kings of the earth have committed immorality with her, and the merchants of the earth have grown rich from the power of her luxurious living.” Then I heard another voice from heaven saying, “Come out of her, my people, lest you take part in her sins, lest you share in her plagues; for her sins are heaped high as heaven, and God has remembered her iniquities. …
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible. By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain, through which he was commended as righteous, God commending him by accepting his gifts. And through his faith, though he died, he still speaks. By faith Enoch was taken up so that he should not see death, and he was not found, because God had taken him. Now before he was taken he was commended as having pleased God. …
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. …
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
And when he had removed him, he raised up David to be their king, of whom he testified and said, ‘I have found in David the son of Jesse a man after my heart, who will do all my will.’
Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. …
Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest.
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord from the heavens; praise him in the heights! Praise him, all his angels; praise him, all his hosts! Praise him, sun and moon, praise him, all you shining stars! Praise him, you highest heavens, and you waters above the heavens! Let them praise the name of the Lord! For he commanded and they were created. …
But the seventh year you shall let it rest and lie fallow, that the poor of your people may eat; and what they leave the beasts of the field may eat. You shall do likewise with your vineyard, and with your olive orchard.
I was going to write a post today, about a letter to my Father. But, I turned on the computer, and saw a picture. It had a broken rainbow, with lightening cutting through it. It also had a butterfly angel, above it all. I could not help, but think, “This is my life.” So, redirected, this became.
I knew this month, the post, with this tile would come to be. I remember last month, when the name, was given. When I think about a rainbow, I consider it the most beautiful symbol in all of creation. But you know what else, I have noticed? It fades. It is not something that stays, in the natural, forever.
To the naked eye, a rainbow appears, and disappears. I was always mindful of certain sayings, as a child. Remember this one; “Into each like, a little rain must fall?” Or how bout, “It rains on the just and the unjust?” Someone told me to grow up recently. This individual, or what influenced the person, told me that I was stuck as a child.
I don’t know whether that statement is true. But, what I do know, is right now, on this day, and in this time on earth, I am a broken rainbow. I’m not sure when it started. Honestly, I’m not sure that matters. Nor does, who was involved, to bring me to this place. The place where, because few understand, it is easier to just label me.
You see, when something happens to me now, I wonder. I think, did this happen to Jesus? Some say, He never experienced everything that we do. But, you know what I ponder? If He still is, through us. In life, there have been so many times, that I was called to isolation. Not, called to ignore everyone. But, to sit at the cross.
I was reflecting today. I do that, especially when I am in a tender place. Do you do that? Look back at life, and take stock? There was a time, just recently, where I said to God, “I gave you everything. You have a lot of making up to do.” Let me be clear, I am not trying to tell God what to do. I know, that I probably don’t deserve the restoration. Especially, if you were to ask those, who directly got hurt involving me. They would yell, “crucify.” Many of them do, every day.
But, you know what I have noticed? Even when this happens, and the more it does, and I hurt or lash back; the more Heaven comes. Another saying I heard as a child, “Everything happens for a reason.” Though a true statement, it does not discuss, that the reason is to break us.
To my mother and earthly father, I thank them. I know, there have been days, I wanted never to be born. Particularly days, where the pain, was so intense, that I could barely breath, and I wanted an ending. I did not even care if it was happy. I just wanted one.
Behind closed doors, resides many broken rainbows. Not just the obviously broken, like homeless or beaten. But, the ones who have given ALL, just to fall again. I was watching the movie previously mentioned. There is a part, where the son says, “This is the day you killed your son.” He says this to his earthly dad. I thought about a parallel in my life. I remember the day, where one of my parents, said my name and told me, I needed a lot of love. A part of me died that day.
I was a teenager, and I felt like I was doomed. The way it was said, made me feel like I was too much trouble to love. That, no one, no matter what it looked like, would ever truly love me. Also, that this person, who was supposed to LOVE me, unconditionally, could not do it. I’m not sure I have ever fully recovered, from it.
I became determined, that I was gonna find me some LOVE. If my parents could not give it, I was going to find it somewhere. So, I started looking for it. But, little did I know, what would come. I remember at 17, I gave up the most precious part of me. I did so willing, and because I was afraid. People had talked to me about waiting for marriage. But, I so desperately, wanted to be loved. I confused LOVE, with physical intimacy.
Time, after time, I would believe, to be loved, I had to be physically intimate. But, then I would feel so awful later. Even when I got married, and it was okay to be that way, to make love; it was not real. I have talked about my marriage before. But, suffice it to say, some of the most broken people, were able to LOVE the most. Meaning, JESUS moved through them, even though he did not dwell there.
I don’t remember the name of everyone I was intimate with. All old soul ties, have been broken away from them all. I hope and pray that each of them, has or will have, a beautiful life. I never knew that I was prostituting, myself for love. These I was with, these guys, they loved me, most of them. But, just like I was told, “I needed a lot of love.” No one could fulfill it.
To this day, no one can. No one, but Jesus. He is the promise. He in the unbroken rainbow. Because, His Love, is what brings the colors, and causes them to be, so bright. I read a post recently. It was a in a group on FB. It was very simple. It asked a question. “Have you seen Jesus?” So, I ask a similar question. Have you EVER seen or been a broken rainbow?
Have you, in your place, where ONLY you can go, and ONLY God can find you, noticed the hurting? I am pretty sure, everyone, will answer, yes. Even unbelievers will answer yes. I don’t always believe. I am going to be real about it. My faith gets VERY tested. There are times, I have screamed, or wept before God, asking Him, why I am hated. It is very tough, to always receive LOVE. Especially LOVE from GOD…
Why? Because, receiving the LOVE of God, requires A LOT. It is easier, to just reject it. But, I am also beginning to SEE, that even if I try to do that, I cannot. Can you? Is it easy for you to walk away, and reject the LOVE? Because, we are rejecting the RESTORED rainbow.
A dear sister told me recently, that a few prayers were finally answered. Some, had been kind of in utero, for over 20 years. I thought, “Sure, He answers your prayers. And, He answers mine, for others. But, I will not get happy. That is not in the cards for me. ” Now, some would say, “That is a lie. ” Maybe it is, and maybe not. I don’t think that is the point. Perhaps, the point is, that I was conditioned to truly believe this. So, I lived it.
In every area of my life, I would always wonder, “How long will this last?” Because, I just got a taste of the good. I don’t live in a fantasy world. I live in His world. And, doing so, is NOT always roses without thorns. But, it is what must be. Someday, I hope to truly 100% believe that the Good, does not have to go away. Until then, I’m here….waiting.
When I was called to write today, I truly didn’t have anything to say. Because, right now, everything sounds like complaints. But, then 2 songs came to mind.
The first one…is this
What’s wrong with the world, mama
People livin’ like they ain’t got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that’ll bring you traumaOverseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin’
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you’re bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that’s exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y’all, y’all
People killin’, people dyin’
Children hurt and you hear them cryin’
Can you practice what you preach?
Or would you turn the other cheek?
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
‘Cause people got me, got me questionin’
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love, the love, the love
It just ain’t the same, old ways have changed
New days are strange, is the world insane?
If love and peace are so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don’t belong?
Nations droppin’ bombs
Chemical gasses fillin’ lungs of little ones
With ongoin’ sufferin’ as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin’ really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin’ wrong
In this world that we livin’ in people keep on givin’ in
Makin’ wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin’ each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin’ on but the reason’s undercover
The truth is kept secret, it’s swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where’s the love, y’all, come on (I don’t know)
Where’s the truth, y’all, come on (I don’t know)
Where’s the love, y’all
People killin’, people dyin’
Children hurt and you hear them cryin’
Can you practice what you preach?
Or would you turn the other cheek?
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
‘Cause people got me, got me questionin’
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)?
Where is the love (The love)?
Where is the love (The love)?
Where is the love (The love)?
Where is the love (The love)?
Where is the love (The love)?
Where is the love, the love, the love?
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I’m gettin’ older, y’all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin’
Selfishness got us followin’ the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo’, whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love we’re spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feelin’ under
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feelin’ down
There’s no wonder why sometimes I’m feelin’ under
Gotta keep my faith alive ’til love is found
Now ask yourself
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Father, Father, Father, help us
Send some guidance from above
‘Cause people got me, got me questionin’
Where is the love?
Sing with me y’all:
One world, one world (We only got)
One world, one world (That’s all we got)
One world, one world
And something’s wrong with it (Yeah)
Something’s wrong with it (Yeah)
Something’s wrong with the wo-wo-world, yeah
We only got
(One world, one world)
That’s all we got
(One world, one world)
Ignoring the whole one world senario here, the point is pretty clear. This individual, is VERY aware, of the lack of LOVE on the earth. You know the song right? It was a HUGE hit for Black eyed, peas, years ago.
The second song… has the same title as this entry…
It came from a movie called Grace Unplugged.
Under the surface We’re all the same Searching for purpose I’m sorry I’m not All the things that you want All the things thought I should be I guess I’m not like you Not something you’re not used to Maybe something brand new, you’ve never seen Wish I could read your mind Come on let me inside I’ll never waste your time Wish you could somehow see That i will always be all that you want from me Tell me who’s to blame Do you feel better? Causin me pain So much pain I’m sorry I’m not all the things that you want All the things that you thought I should be I guess I’m not like you Not something you’re used to Maybe something brand new you’ve never seen Wish I could read your mind Come on let me inside I’ll never waste your time Wish you could somehow see that I will always be All that you want from me It’s my time it’s my turn But I need to make this on my own You’re not right I’m not wrong so just let me go I’m sorry I’m not all the things that you want All the things that you thought I should be Wish I could read your mind Come on let me inside I’ll never waste your time Wish you could somehow see That I will always be all that you want from me You gotta let it You gotta let it go You gotta let it go.
I truly believe, that God is misunderstood, in this world. The REAL God, not this fictional magician, that you hear about in most churches.
The ONE who made you, and who gives you Grace to fell, not feel, or even to reject HIS Love. DO you know how many people, are doing so each day? A LOT.
I truly believe, that He is tired of all the garbage. The mudslinging, and fighting in the body of Christ. If WE are not truly united, then how can He return?
I was thinking about the first song today. I was thinking I could write a whole nother verse to that one. Something like, Wives neglected, children unprotected. Work as God, and money leading the way. Where is the LOVE?
Someone asked me one time, how to love me. It was an honest question, that I truly had to think about. The answer, love GOD. Because, right now, that is the ONLY answer. To truly LOVE GOD and to receive HIS LOVE in return.
If you have one without the other, it is truly unrequited LOVE. That means, it is LOVE that appears, fulfilling, but it is not. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of pretending to live in some fairytale Heaven. I want the REAL thing.
Don’t you? Or, are you okay having all these people, who could know what REAL LOVE is, accept the fake? I’m not okay with it. Yet, on the real side, I’m not sure how much fight is left, in me.
You know the response, I usually get, when I say that? I get, oh you’ll be fine, it will get better. People mean well, when saying those things. But, it might not get better. I say this not to be negative, I am simply saying, that this MIGHT be all there is.
I have to make peace with that, somehow. Because, if I can, then I will begin to appreciate the good again. Or, at least to see it. Only God knows, and sometimes, He does not feel the need to share His information. So, the answer, to where is the LOVE?
It’s inside, it comes from the seed of GOD who lives in us. A third song came to me…
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Hide it under a bushel – NO!
I’m gonna let it shine.
Hide it under a bushel – NO!
I’m gonna let it shine,
Hide it under a bushel – NO!
I’m gonna let it shine, Let it shine,
let it shine, let it shine.
Don’t let Satan blow it!
I’m gonna let it shine.
Don’t let Satan blow it out.
I’m gonna let it shine
Don’t let Satan blow it out.
I’m gonna let it shine,
let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Let it shine til Jesus comes.
I’m gonna let it shine.
Let it shine til Jesus comes.
I’m gonna let it shine,
Let it shine til Jesus comes.
I’m gonna let it shine.
let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
The fact is, whether we DO anything, or BECOME anything, somehow, someway, God’s light shines. My relationship with God, has taken quite a blow, and it’s sort of like starting over. Instead, of picking up, where we left off.
I guess it’s time for HIM to show me the LOVE, in a different way. Because, the ways, He tried b4, and I did, don’t seem to hold the same shine anymore.
How do you tell your heart to beat again, when it just won’t listen? How do you tell yourself to sparkle, when you’ve lost your glistening? He says, “I love you, even if you don’t believe it’s true. It won’t change my love for you. I’ll love you anyway.”
How do you make peace, with the pain? Still be thankful, for the sunshine and the rain? He says,” I love you, even if you don’t believe it’s true. It won’t change my love for you. I’ll love you anyway.”
How do you keep going, when your heart is in ashes? When the flickers going out, and everywhere you look, is trashed? He says, “I love you. Even if you don’t believe it’s true. It won’t change my love for you. I’ll love you anyway. Love you more each day. No matter what they say, the labels may not go away. But, you can know that I’ll be here, loving you, anyway.”
So, why is He misunderstood? Why is His LOVE misunderstood. Oh, there are SO many reasons. But, the number one reason is, simple. We have NOT been taught from HIS heart, in full, what it looks like.
The harvest of the LORD, I am convinced, is a heart shaped door. But, we can’t truly love each other. So, how can WE be used to help save the world?
Recently, I was watching a show, and the person on it said, “DO NOT open a DOOR, you are NOT willing to WALK through.” I thought, what a warning for the body of Christ. Are you willing to WALK through the door of HIS LOVE?
I requires everything…and more.
In His Grace and Love,
E and Fam
Here is the scripture that spoke to me, regarding this entry
1 Samuel 15Amplified Bible (AMP)
Saul’s Disobedience
15 Samuel said to Saul, “The Lord sent me to anoint you king over His people Israel. Now listen and pay close attention to the words of the Lord.2 Thus says the Lord of hosts (armies), ‘I will punish Amalek for what he did to Israel, how he set himself against him on the way when Israel came up from Egypt.3 Now go and strike Amalek and completely destroy everything that they have; do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’”
4 So Saul summoned the people and numbered them at Telaim—200,000 foot soldiers and 10,000 men of Judah.5 Saul came to the city of Amalek and set an ambush in the valley.6 Saul said to the [a]Kenites, “Go, leave, go down from the Amalekites, so that I do not destroy you along with them; for you showed kindness to all the Israelites when they went up from Egypt.” So the Kenites departed from among the Amalekites.7 Saul defeated the Amalekites, from Havilah as far as Shur, which is east of Egypt.8 He captured Agag the king of the Amalekites alive, though he totally destroyed all [the rest of] the people with the sword.9 Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, the oxen, the fatlings, the lambs, and everything that was good, and they were not willing to destroy them entirely; but everything that was undesirable or worthless they destroyed completely.
Samuel Rebukes Saul
10 Then the word of the Lord came to Samuel, saying,11 “I regret that I made Saul king, for he has turned away from following Me and has not carried out My commands.” Samuel was angry [over Saul’s failure] and he cried out to the Lord all night.12 When Samuel got up early in the morning to meet Saul, he was told, “Saul came to [b]Carmel, and behold, he set up for himself a monument [commemorating his victory], then he turned and went on and went down to Gilgal.”13 So Samuel came to Saul, and Saul said to him, “Blessed are you of the Lord. I have carried out the command of the Lord.”14 But Samuel said, “What then is this bleating of the sheep in my ears, and the lowing of the oxen which I hear?”15 Saul said, “They have brought them from the Amalekites, for the people spared the best of the sheep and oxen [c]to sacrifice to theLord your God; but the rest we have destroyed completely.”16 Then Samuel said to Saul, “Stop, and let me tell you what the Lord said to me last night.” Saul said to him, “Speak.”
17 Samuel said, “Is it not true that even though you were small (insignificant) in your own eyes, you were made the head of the tribes of Israel? And the Lord anointed you king over Israel,18 and the Lord sent you on a mission, and said, ‘Go, totally destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are eliminated.’19 Why did you not obey the voice of the Lord, but [instead] swooped down on the plunder [with shouts of victory] and did evil in the sight of the Lord?”
20 Saul said to Samuel, “I have obeyed the voice of the Lord, and have gone on the mission on which the Lord sent me, and have brought back Agag the king of Amalek, and have completely destroyed the Amalekites.21 “But the people took some of the spoil, sheep and oxen, the best of the things [that were] to be totally destroyed, to sacrifice to the Lord your God at Gilgal.”22 Samuel said,
“Has the Lord as great a delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices As in obedience to the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed [is better] than the fat of rams. 23 “For rebellion is as [serious as] the sin of divination (fortune-telling), And disobedience is as [serious as] false religion and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected [d]you as king.”
24 Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned; for I have transgressed the command of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice.25 Now, please, pardon my sin and return with me, so that I may worship the Lord.”26 But Samuel said to Saul, “I will not return with you; for you have rejected the word of the Lord, and the Lordhas rejected you from being king over Israel.”27 As Samuel turned to go [away], Saul grabbed the hem of his robe [to stop him], and it tore.28 So Samuel said to him, “The Lord has torn the kingdom of Israel from you today and has given it to your neighbor, who is better than you.29 Also the Splendor and Glory and Eminence of Israel will not lie or change His mind; for He is not a man that He should change His mind.”30 Saul said, “I have sinned; but please honor me now before the elders of my people and before Israel, and go back with me, so that I may worship the Lord your God.”31 So Samuel went back following Saul, and Saul worshiped the Lord.
32 Then Samuel said, “Bring me Agag, the king of the Amalekites.” And Agag came to him [e]cheerfully. And Agag said, “Surely the bitterness of death has come to an end.”33 Samuel said, “As your sword has made women childless, so shall your mother be childless among women.” And Samuel cut Agag in pieces before the Lord in Gilgal.
34 Then Samuel went to Ramah, but Saul went up to his house in Gibeah of Saul.35 Samuel did not see Saul again until the day of his death, for Samuel grieved over Saul. And the Lord regretted that He had made Saul king over Israel.
