I battled weight. Looking back, I SEE that it was a BIG obstacle. Yet it stemmed from other places. The number 1 obstacle, it grew from, was UNFORGIVENESS.
I could always FORGIVE anyone else, but me. And let me say, learning to forgive the unforgivable, should begin with you. My “magnificent obsession,” used to be FOOD.
But something happened, this time, when the weight returned. Usually, it discourages me, and pulls me down. But THIS time, I began to PUT the weight on GOD. Now, that does not mean, the “weight” disappeared. However, IT has been easier to carry.
This morning, it was 5:28 when I began writing. A sweet friend, said…YOU have to get your FIRE out. Even thinking of it now, I am in tears…you see, GOD creates HIS children, to BE firestarters. And when your heart, is for JOY…and many others are hiding… they won’t always enjoy the FIRE.
Think of it this way, if you’re sitting by the fireside, and enjoying the warmth, at some point in time, you will say that’s enough. I used to take it personally. I have had people use the phrase “You are playing with fire.” The difference is, I wasn’t playing with it.
And, it has taken years to understand, that the GLORY of GOD, is a flame. That, the FLAME never goes out. EVEN when we DIE, it only gets stronger. My LIFE is Heaven’s playlist. The first 3 songs today… Steven Curtis Chapman, “Magnificent obsession” the next was Mandisa “Press on”, and the third, “Everything” by Lauren Diagle.
Heaven’s radio, is my daily bread. I remember, when GOD the Father, would send me bible verses. I was a new momma, and I was living life with joy, but in terror. I enjoyed, every moment. But, my spirit knew, that at anytime, something could change.
Some call it intuition. I don’t. I call it Jesus. When Sarah came in, in the way she did… I felt such shame. I did NOT understand then, the plans of Heaven. I was both grateful for the GIFT, and truly overwhelmed, by the responsibility.
Yesterday, someone said, WE really ARE a miracle huh? This individual, had so much in common with ME. And I felt such peace, in the process. And she asked me about anxiety, if I had it. I told her, it isn’t as much anxiety, anymore. As, I am so aware of other’s hearts. She asked if I was empathic. I said, I personally don’t see it, that way. I SEE it, as I feel frequency, and vibration. And, that it’s because of my relationship, with JESUS…that I do.
Someone else, said, WE can’t do that without Jesus. I would take it, a step further, and say we “SHOULD NOT” do that, without JESUS. Emotions without JESUS, are quite frankly dangerous. Often people have spoken to me, things they feel. And it requires GOD to know, if it is a sword or knife being thrown, or if it is just a reflection. Sometimes, in my observation, it is BOTH.
Sometimes, I AM very hard on ME. Even as I am writing this, I am telling JESUS… I’m sorry for that. A dear friend, asked for the definition of repentance recently. And the definition that GOD gave me, was simple. Repentance is about a heart change first. The head change actually comes later. NOt saying we don’t have mind battles.
Simple sharing, that the HEART is what JESUS is after. And the fact IS, the heart is what the enemy always tries to destroy. But when a HEART belongs to JESUS, it can only be stolen by HIM. And it’s a GREAT kind of theft. I was thinking of the place, where it says “Jesus will come, like a thief in the night.”
He has done that in my life. And the MOST significant time, it happened…was Sarah’s first birthday. The DAY she was born, HEAVEN invaded our family. And ya’ll it was like an alien invasion. I know that sounds odd. BUt, it WAS…. I never in my whole LIFE, had experienced THAT level of Heaven.
And I still BELIEVE, in fact…it BROKE me. But, by the GRACE of GOD, daily puts me together again. I’m really thankful, for those who saw HIS reflection, and did not FLEE. There are only a few, but MAN…grateful for you. You know, who you are.
Today, as I was writing, I am able to recall memories, with JOY. There was a time, that feels like yesterday, where I had to battle to experience that. It’s something, I don’t wrestle with, anymore. What I do wrestle with, is the FIRE of Heaven. I have been HOME so many times, and each time, I want more.
That’s normal. All the HOME, I had as a child, is mostly in ashes. But, I choose to LIVE among the LIVING. And what’s hard for some to understand, is what was LOST to US…is ALIVE and WELL to GOD. For years, I had trouble comprehending that.
I have mentioned before, that JESUS often speaks to me, through avenues, most can’t hear. One of them, is TV. Because, LIKE it or NOT… Life is intercession. I think personally, I notice that MORE daily. And it is NOT always easy. We were NOT promised EASY. WE were promised, faithfulness.
YOU SEE, when we are unfaithful to GOD, He remains FAITHFUL to US. Because, HE can SEE the heart. One thing that is hard, in LIFE, is to LOVE, despite the darkness. To “Come as WE ARE” and to LEAN on GOD, who is stronger than OAK.
Why is that? What is IN the way… Is it FEAR, Is it DREAD, is it the dead places in our lives? Only Heaven knows. I often get asked, by the ” children” we work with, this question. “Why are people so mean?” And the response, that comes to me, is simple. People are sometimes mean, when their masks are removed.
So many are literally wearing masks, they live like every day is a day, to pretend. But, GOD SEES. And the exposure, is evident in the world, more daily. What is exposed, is the heart. With all of these hideous things, being brought to light; I am thanking God for the healing. Because, anytime, someone hurts another, it comes from their hurt. And anytime, someone comes, and brings healing, from a place of LOVE… it IS JESUS.
And the fact IS, Jesus died for EVERYONE. Sarah was used to personify that, for ME. One day, there was an individual, obviously coming against US, and even her. And she said, “Momma, EVERYONE deserves LOVE. What she was TRULY saying, was JESUS died for her too.
Have you ever faced something REALLY impossible? I think we would be hard pressed, to find anyone, who says NO. Even little ones, face impossible tasks, daily. I keep reflecting, on the place where it talks about, “when i was a child…I thought like a child.” Because, even as an ADULT, I am still my Father’s child.
I often hoped for and wished for, a deeper relationship, with my parents. It was no one’s fault really. It was just something that never was, a need fulfilled. Don’t get me wrong, my parents were good parents. I honor them. They provided, clothing and shelter, and food. They provided, a car and extras for essentials. And, they did the best they could, to LOVE me.
And in saying that, I should say THIS. An empty vessel, has to be filled up. In my case, I made choices, that only made me more empty. In part, because it was what I often saw. I became an “addict” of the world. But GOD. He was only going to let me, go so far. Thankful for that, every single day.
I often marvel, at the places GOD went with ME. They were SEEDY. There were so many times, I felt so uncomfortable. again, BUT GOD. Years ago, God taught US, that EVERYTHING is a SEED. And, back then, even in a STUCK place, GOD was planting. EVEN in places, where there was EVIL present, HIS power always overcame.
The biggest LIE, that WE have been taught to BELIEVE…is that anyone else, has MORE power than GOD. BUT, they do NOT! They never EVER will.
Elea and Fam
19 Jul 2020