Monthly Archives: January 2020

NO MORE – Dark Heart

When I was a little girl, I LOVED the Care Bears. Like most children, I would look for things, that interested me. And helping others, was always of interest; still is. I remember thinking, hey THEY care. When…NO One else seemed to…

Have YOU ever felt like that? That NO ONE CARES?!?

For ME, this LIE was planted, very early.

I’m not sure, 100% what convinced me, to believe it. I just recall, that everytime, I spoke… NO ONE appeared to care.

Every single moment, I would SEARCH for care. I wanted to SHARE. Because, like the movie says, “SHARING IS CARING.”

What I would share, was often mocked or criticized. Often, it was dismissed.

So, THIS you would think, would STOP me, from trying to SHARE.

And sometimes, it DID temporarily…

It caused me, at age 14, to be so depressed. That began, and gradually got…so much worse.

I didn’t understand, that my life…in and of itself, was a reflection too.

It was a reflection, of the state of my heart.

And it was really fighting, wanting to CARE.

I began to say… “I don’t care. And, then… I had NO IDEA, how sad that made Jesus.



The MORE, I received, the REJECTION… the MORE depressed, I felt.

And when I tried to ask, for help… I was silenced.

How many times, does this happen? A child asks for a need, to be met. And, because it IS inconvenient, it gets ignored.

It causes, game playing, and silliness, like acting out. Because, there is a desire, for the need being met, that ignites the FIRE of FEAR.

I remember, as a child, I loved manipulation. Let me be clear, I was not trying to be evil, or even have a bad intent.

I simply, was TERRIFIED, my DEEP NEEDS, would NEVER be MET.

Can YOU relate to that?

Being afraid, that even GOD Himself, would not meet, your need.

I’m not talking about FOOD, Clothes, shelter.

Although, I have questioned that too…

What I AM speaking OF, is this…

Everywhere I searched, instead of CARE, I often found dark hearts. Hearts, that did not have, their needs met, and could NOT meet mine. Many of which, would NOT even try.

They said…. “YOU are TOO Much for ME. Or, YOU are NOT MY KIND of person. Or, one person… that is now with JESUS… said, “YOU NEED a LOT of LOVE.”

I am 43 years OLD, and every day, I live and breathe IS FULL of miracles. SO many reasons why. The number one being, that JESUS saved my LIFE. He SAVES it every single day.

Usually I listen to music, when I write. But today is a NEW YEAR, and I am doing something NEW. I am using NEW avenues. I am chasing Heavenly adventures.

I am CHOOSING JOY, a NEW. Last year was strange, in a lot of ways. There was a LOT of HAZE cleared out. And I saw HEAVEN deeply meet needs, that no ONE person ever could.

THIS year, I can stand and say…

THE ONE thing, that NEVER ever changed, with all of MY forest of feelings…

is JESUS. HIS LOVE for ME has been a CONSTANT.

I was taught, the ONLY thing constant is change. However, I believe MORE each day, the way, I first began. Before, I got discouraged, and depressed. I am not saying, I NEVER have BIG Feelings.

Sometimes, I have HUUUUUUUUGE feelings. I just do NOT allow those feelings, to CONSUME me.

Life is HARD, wonderful, beautiful, and even magical.

NOt necessarily….in THAT order.

But at 33, I was called in a new way. And just now, I am realizing, that was 10 years ago today…

And thank GOD for HIS Grace….

Even to receive…

I rejected, a lot more B4 I chose reception. The frequencies, for crossed LOTS. And man, was there much misunderstanding. BUT GOD.

I pray that as I, and WE share…

That JESUS bring Heaven…from there to here….and HERE to there. Smiles.

Sometimes, people won’t get it…and sometimes THEY will.

For the first time, in a LONG time… I do CARE.

I surrender, the yuck from the past. I TRUST God with it…

and, I know that there is REPAIR taking place.

In Jesus name.

I encourage YOU, to sit with JESUS. I encourage YOU to talk with HIM, and walk with HIM. Because, when the WORLD does NOT CARE, you can REST assured, that HE does.

I CARE about your heart.

I AM so SORRY it has BEEN torn apart.

Sending YOU LOVE today. I will NOT be afraid.




Choosing RAINBOW Instead.

Standing on the promise of LOVE.

As I rest my weary head.

Grace surrounds and abounds.

Mercy too.

For ME and YOU.


Eccelciastes 3:11 He will MAKE everything beautiful, in its TIME.

02 Jan 2020

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