Monthly Archives: August 2020

Will they EVER believe?!?!

My LIFE is Heaven’s playlist. That is both a comfort, and at times a HUGE challenge. It is a culmination, of being misunderstood, easily moved to compassion, forged to forgive unforgiveable behaviors, and determined to choose HEAVEN. In essence, LIFE is meant to be intercession for each other.

Tonight, I was asking for a sign. One that there was a need to write, or to share. And, a picture popped up, on a friend’s page. It was a picture of a little boy. This child, had been diagnosed, with something really tough. What is was not focus here. But, seeing the picture, stirred Heaven in me.

Were you told you were selfish, as a child? Even one time, saying this, can create such a ripple of chaos. But God. It is 5AM. Such a deep time, of GRACE, coming forth. Especially for the children. It is TIME, infact, HIGH time, to HONOR the CHILDREN.

Yet, when WE look around, it appears, to BE a time of such pain and anguish. Well, in this world, there is always competition, from the other side. It is ONE important reason, WE must LOVE Everyone. The worse the behavior, the MORE LOVE needed.

I asked a question once. I said, to Jesus with another in the room… Will there EVER be a time, WE look at these pictures, and are NOT There. And the individual with me, said YES. But Jesus said, it will change, as more healing comes. Yet, you will ALWAYS be there and here. Because YOU are my heart. All my children, are MY heart. And united with ME, you go there in GRACE.

Have you ever scene the MOVIE “Independence Day”? In it, when the “heroes” are going forth into a mission, they say something specific. As my memory is healing more, I get part of something. I kept hearing, “Light the fires.” So I went searching for the REST of the phrase. Apparently, in the “REAL” world, fighter pilots actually use this phrase. It means, everything is ready and is IN place. And the NEXT step is coming forth. And the fighter pilots, use it when READY for take off.

There are OTHER individuals, who say it is “GO time.” THIS is what Heaven is speaking. It is GOD time. GO… God Omnipotent. THIS is the time of heaven coming forth, to BE birthed to the earth. JUST as promised. For many who have been “patiently” waiting for the GOOD to be reformed, it will be a spectacular CELEBRATION!!!!!You would think GOOD would just BE good right? But, when there are infiltrations of the yuck. THERE is a filtering, that MUST happen, from Heaven to earth.

This is ACTUALLY why prayer, is such an important communication, component. However, It is ONE tool that Heaven uses. And from what WE have learned, the BIGGEST and most IMPORTANT crucial setting for prayer, IS SURRENDER. That means, that when you come to GOD…you are willing to GIVE Him, access. Where maybe in the past, your instinct was to fight Him, instead.

Recently, someone who LOVES me, shared something. I was told, “WE are always WRESTLING with something with GOD. It took a BIT for me to really digest that. It took me back to a time, in my life specific. I realized the timeline one day, and kind of stopped in my tracks. Because, it was fairly close to Sarah’s final Flight/fight home.

I remember saying to GOD. If I ever am not open to healing, and correction please remove me from ministry. Because anyone placed in leadership positions, or in a mentoring role; should always be humbling. Meaning, the LIFE and example that they GIVE and LIVE should be one of LOVE. It should become natural to be KIND, and have courage. Yet in this world, many have been placed in those roles, who don’t appear to fit that. Right?!?!?

So, that provokes the question. As a cry, as a prayer, as a pondering….”WILL THEY EVER BELIEVE?” And immediately I hear, some will. Often, the prayer I pray is. Jesus give them the destiny, you picked. Ultimately, to simplify, it is a REQUEST He LOVE them. Because, enemies of children of God, are to some extent enemies of JESUS. Yet, JESUS…in HIS infinite GRACE, is not moved at ALL by the antics, and the games that are more harmful to the ones, playing them, than those they try to provoke.

So, now this question? HOW can WE be able to LOVE despite the YUCK?and the answer IS, Jesus. THAT is how. HE is the HOW, the what, the when, the HERE and the NOW. HE is 100% EVERYTHING. Therefore, trying to erase him from the equation, guarantees FAILURE. It creates 100 % certainty of death and destruction. Yet, with JESUS as the leading factor, IN ANY equation, or circumstance, the opposite is true. SUCCESS is a GUARANTEE!!!!

To quote a movie, I one heard this line in. “TALK about a GUAR AN TEE!!!!!!” It is time, ANYONE in ministry WITH Jesu, not just 4 HIM, LOVE people out. Meaning quite simple, BE the LIGHT in the dark places, of their hearts. That sounds EASY right? Like a flash light that turns on, WE should BE. I’m going to add, a favorite phrase. “BUT GOD.”

This means so MUCH here. It is the child, saying … BUT God, they won’t listen. And they even hate my face. There is the But God, this is SO Friggin’ HARD!!!! There is the BUT God, what if I fail you, or mess everything UP? Also, BUT God, why did you pick me. I sure do not seem, qualified. (especially to others) There is the BUT God, can WE please do it THIS way instead? So many other examples of this.

I was REALLY having trouble focusing tonight, when writing. THIS has not been the case, for a LONG time actually. SO, you can imagine my surprise. I got VERY quiet with GOD. And I said, “But God, I feel so tired. I would NOT know where to start.” I kept feeling such rumbling, and storms. I kept asking Jesus for peace. And He said, “Breathe beautiful. ” Often other individuals, will say let GO. Recently, ONE said… LEt Go FOREVER.

THAT Was really tough to hear, especially through the one speaking. And I asked JESUS, what does that MEAN? He said, remember recently, you had someone very scared. They came to you, with DEEP fears, as they prepared for a battle to walk through. I said, YES sir. He said, “You said, Visualize placing it in JESUS hands….hand it ALL to HIM. And do NOT pick it back up.

In the ARMY of Heaven, it can be tempting to FILL the ruck sack that you carry. It can be filled with LOTS of things. BUt what I heard today, was Put the sack down. GIVE it to JESUS. The Wonderful, the difficult, the excruciating, the exciting, healing, hurting, ALLLL of it!!! The whole kit and caboodle….must be LAID before Heaven. Then ask Jesus, to help you….”KICK the tires, and light the FIRES…so to speak. “

Hop on that GRACe coaster, not just trusting but KNOWING every memory you need, WILL NOT FADE. We were praying recently, and I walked in extreme heat. Several times, I thought I would pass out. But GOD. He kept me safe. He sustained ME. WAS 100% my FEET and ALLLL of ME. I asked Him to be my water, i had forgotten to bring. ANd at the END of that walk. WE thanked God for shade.

That SHADE represents, a LOT. It represents, a form of shelter. Yet, it also can be tied, to persecution and slander as well, in lots of ways. So how are you throwing shade? There is a fine line between recognizing effects of yuck, on someone and guarding your heart from it….and that turning and you speaking back the meanness spoken over you. IM truly asking GOD to help me LOVE more.

I still wrestle with SEEING the “Evil” effects, that come into this world. When it happens, I now going into my heart kingdom. I ask Jesus to replace with HOME and heavenly things, the interpretation that is “natural” to have first in this world.

I am going to talk about something odd. I truly have not thought of this film in years. But tonight, while crying out for the children, in captivity…it came into my heart and mind. The film is “The Prince of Tides. ” I have scene this film many times. So much, that EVERY scene is vivid in my memory. But, the other thing is, I have lived aspects of this film. Some my own, others, walking through with others.

I’m not going to dwell on the tough places, in the film. I’m going to focus on one piece only. There is a place, where the main character, after healing from the pain…crosses a bridge. I SEE THAT in my LIFE today. The common thought, is people have to wait to “have” heaven. But please understand, I know first hand that is NOT only untrue. It is CRIMINAL that it is taught. IT is a blatant, HORRIBLE Lie. But God. Nothing limits His LOVE. SO, back to the bridge. As the main guy, crosses it…He whispers the name of the person who was MOST significant in THE Healing.

In MY Life, THIS happens too…. I often just quietly say JESUS. Sometimes I scream it. Sometimes I dance it. You get it right? IT is a constant and consistant CHOICE. And just yesterday, a memory came to me. I was helping another prepare for something, REALLY Tough. A song came on, with GREAT significance to ME, and that person as well.

But, something beautiful…as I shared the connection, I had. It was shared on both sides, of the communication LINE. In my experience guess what, there was a BRIDGE present. Back then, I remember, the MANY times, I crossed THAT exact bridge. YEt this time, I could connect by GRACE to the “heavenly” place. While I was once again, driving over THAT bridge. #bridgesofGrace

My BRIDGE IS JESUS. I will elaborate on that more. But, as I close for now. I say with 100% confidence. Having the wisdom, that JESUS is our bridge, dilutes the PAIN of this world. Thank you JESUS. ~

In 1 Timothy 2:5 it says this…

For THERE is ONE God , and ONE Mediator also between God and men. The man, Jesus Christ. ~~~~

In His Grace and Abundance,

E and Fam 🙂

20 Aug 2020

Will I BE Okay?

When you were a young child, on a specific holiday, you likely awaited with such Anticipation. I would guess, that most of us, around this holiday, awaited the JOY. I’m certain, whether raised in church , or not. On Dec 25th, by the Grace of God…you received at least 1 Present.

Where AM I going with this? I ask Jesus THIS…and He begins to come over, and turn ON the TFV. Tele Faith Vision. He walks over, and touches, it, and says. I must REMIND you of something, beautiful. He takes me, through this place, of GRACE. The only way I can describe it, is opposite of POLTERGEIST.

I SEE myself, as a child. Im about maybe 3 or 4. The vision, is taking a moment, to clear up. Because, to ME, at first it is quite blurry. I hear Jesus say, “Breathe little one. Breathe my Love. This is SAFE. I have you. No harm will come. He begins to speak, “Courage come FORTH, darkness GO, this is time, for healing from the unknown. I see HIM, reach forth His hand, without even touching me, or my tiny body. He just raises His hand and says, “Memories, for NOW, RETURN. I began to cry, and He says, “Never alone little one. Never alone.

I had just gotten up out of bed, and I WAS yawning. This reminds me, of the MOVIE “Scrooged” or other similar films, and books. Instead of just 3 helpers, I have ONLY Jesus. And He fills EVERY single NEED. His eyes can STOP the BLEEDING. They quickly calm, the LONGING that ONLY He understands. The LONGING to belong, to understand, to BE in Peace. Because HE is Peace. He says so LOVINGLY, “Honey, you can hold my hand, if you need to. Breathe, 1 , 2, 3….Jump IN.

On the TV, I SEE the water, and it has the appearance of an ocean. Jesus says, It won’t be as hard, as you think. I have held it back, for this TIME. So, I look at HIM. And I say, “Will I be Okay? He says simply, I PROMISE. Those 2 words, send calming shock waves into my body. And fire of healing, and JOY and so much more. I look UP at His Perfect eyes. And I say, 2 words in response, that could be 1. Okay.

I take the HAND of the LOVER of my SOUL. Suddenly, there is a quantum LEAP. And such GRACE GRACE coming forth, from Heaven. Grace to RECEIVE and BE Renewed. I am NOW in the playroom. THE room, that usually housed the TREE. I walk in, trying to BE so quiet. I don’t want ANYONE To be awakened. Because, I am so nervous, that they will be upset.

I tip toe, from the room I slept in, through the hallway first, and pass each room. Every single ONE, specific doors. I walk through the KITCHEN. I think I am feeling hungry. But Jesus says, “Focus sweetheart.” I keep walking, and suddenly stop. Saying, What happened, how AM I walking, and also already there. With such tender care, He responds. Because I AM.

So once again, I approach the door, to the Play room. I first leapt there, and then. I was shown, a scene, where I was back outside, the bedroom. This is similar to dreams, and how each has scenes. Like things were on repeat. I would get so far, then, be thrown back, to the beginning. Feeling, more frustrated, I said, ” Can’t I just go IN? Jesus says, MY MERCY is guarding that door. Each time, you return, to the beginning, more healing is present than before.

So here we are at time number 3. Jesus says, remember, 3 is for ME. The majestic Eternity. Do you have the key? For the door has been Locked. Because, the readiness was not cooked yet. I nod, and say… Where is it, Jesus. He says, Look in your pocket. I place my right hand in my pocket, and I feel a key. I lift it out, and hand it to Him. He says, WE will do it together, on 3. I take a deep breath. He says, “Look at the key first.” I look at it, in my hand. The Key says “Heaven’s Freedom” In tiny letters, that only appear when the LIGHT shines, from Jesus EYES.

So we open the DOOR together. THis is NEW. Usually Jesus just opens it. This is a new place of trust and LOVE. The door opens, and the room is so BRIGHT. But it is nighttime. I can see the LIGHTS sparkling on the tree. There is NO pain. He says, before you look at the presents, and wonder. Walk in the LIGHT and BATHE it in. So sit by the twinkling lights, in a room that once, was so dark. I said, I AM Not looking forward to the Jealousy. He smiles, and says, “I know.” He says, remember it is BECAUSE of ME.

Because my child, YOU Live in the Grace Bubble. Next thing I know, I hear, “Katy, are you in the play room?” It is a familiar voice, and I grapple wondering, should I answer. So I ask Jesus, and he says. Wait. So, eventually, this individual, makes their way to the room I am in. The next thing spoken, “Were you looking for Santa Clause?” I don’t know what to say, so I mumble. I got up, and just wanted to SEE the tree. I feel scared again, that someone will get mad at me. And I say, “Did I wake you up?” And the response, I just wondered where you went. Let’s go get some sleep.

I look up at Jesus, that this other person cannot SEE. And I say, but I want to know more. Am I going to be okay. He nods, and says Joy will come. I see Jesus wearing a TSHIRT, that lights up. It says JOY. He takes it off, and places it on me. I return, to the place, where the world sleeps.

It takes such GRACE to ENCOUNTER Heaven. Particularly, when you often wrestle, with the entrapment of EARTH. It takes GRACE to share the journey, knowing MANY will NOT Understand. And SOME will try and shoot the messenger. And the afflictions, will at times, appear to increase. Because, there is such conflict, between Heaven and the world.

I have often heard people say, “I want the encounteres again. I used to have them. They question, “did I do something wrong?” And Jesus is right there, reminding…wrong is never His song. Things I had forgotten, how God used, those who at times, sold me into slavery. The slavery of this world. But, many of them who did just that, have now become enslaved, instead of me. And to lots, they appear FREE.

But appearances, CAN Be decieving, my friend. IT takes JESUS, to BE Given the TRUTH. The whole story is told, by JESUS. He is the GREAT storyteller. He reverses the pain, and it becomes Heaven’s Gain instead. As I am walking to the room again, I hear the song… “You’re gonna BE Okay.” I say to Jesus, that was not HERE back then. Jesus shows me a treasure chest. In It, is a huge portion of the music. All that was yet to BE then. It was waiting to come FORTH.

Jesus said, Actually it WAS. But, was kept in waiting, until time for The birthing to happen. He smiled, and He said, “You think you did NOT taste enough of the healing. Because, in your heart, you want it over quickly. But only a tiny portion naturally feels that way. 99 percent of you, has already chosen “heaven’s portion.”

So suddenly I open my eyes, and JESUS is right HERE with me, in the natural. Right with me, knowing how much IT HURTS. I sit with Him, and I tell Him, ” thank you.” He smiles, and says, “Thank you too. You have always had the choice, to say no. But, YOU choose the ways of HOME. More TEARS, begin to fall. I say, “I do not just miss her.” I miss the unity, that was found, from that place. The place of innocence. The place where EVERYONE could LOVE, so freely. No one had labels, or fought for power or control. Jesus reaches out his arms. I say, “Promise it is okay.” He says, “As many times as you need.”

IT is SAFE HERE. Always, in my arms. Jesus before my eyes, transforms from the HUman image, to the LION. I hear HIM ROAR, but it does NOT frighten ME. THERE is such comfort in the roar. He says some and let ME LOVE you back, into the Forward.

This story, that is NEVER ending, at times FEELS tormenting. But it is NOT MINE. I am just cast, into a role. The story is Heaven’s design. For Heaven has MY soul. The story shared, even in this portion. Might be like yours. Because JESUS is Grace. He carries it, shares it and personifies GRACE.

Jesus IS Calling, Arriving, Reviving, and so much MORE. The best part, HE is in every Present, because HE is the greatest present. AND WE DO NOT Have to be afraid. WE do NOT have to receive punishment. WE CAN recieve HEALING instead.

We have to choose EACH day, whom we serve? Some are getting mixed messages. I see a line of people waiting to be comforted. Waiting IN LINE. But JESUS, can comfort everyone at once. He stands in unity for US, even when everything else, may look divided.


Sufficient is the GRACE of GOD. Perfected in our weaknesses most. ~

In His Grace,

E and Fam

16 Aug 2020

NO Choice….but SURRENDER

SO have been thinking of writing, for days… But God. When you look around and observe, the random craziness. Do YOU EVER think, it is NOT random? Or, is THAT just ME?!?! Because, as I sit back, and take stock, I keep receiving THIS….

THERE is ONLY 1 Choice. IT will always remain, and cannot be taken away. Surrender. Because surrender, is about 100% of you, even the little crumbs that fight it…giving GOD His way. Let’s break down the word. Sur, means over and above. And RENDER means to provide, give or make.

So SURRENDER together, means to GIVE to ABOVE. THIS is why, it IS the greatest gift, WE can give to JESUS. And boy, SURRENDER takes such courage. It is NOT a one time deal. It is an EVERY single breath, every single STEP, Every moment, EVERY Day deal. And the fact IS, without IT Life is…pointless.

I want to be clear. Everyone has purpose. However, If you are surrendering to this world, it’s like eating a spec of dust. THERE are no nutrients, that will fulfill a child of GOD, except heavenly nutrients. GOD can and WILL Use every thing ( and one) for His plans. However, know THIS…the LONGER you wait 2 SURRENDER in FULL, and EMBRACE the plans of heaven, the more havoc…you are likely to encounter. Learned THIS the hard way. And even at times, when Jesus wanted to “soften the blow,” I OFTEN naturally rejected it. Not even getting into, what Supernaturalloy often appeared.

So what is the story of heaven? WELL, the main character is JESUS. And, HE opitimizes surrender. HE IS SURRENDER. SO when people ask, “How do I surrender?” The simplest answer is, “GIVE GOd His way.” And , when ANY ONE questions, what THAT way IS… DO not believe the lie, that… IT doubts GOD. Because, kiddos, THAT is a TRAP!!!!!!!! And when people don’t “feel” it….they frequently think they are not “doing” it. However, emotions are ONLY part of our makeup. And feelings, are the tool that can be most deceptive.

IN SHORT, or LONG. Whose STORY do YOU DESIRE MOST? This is meant to REALLY cause US to STOP and THINK. Yesterday, someone dear shared, the battle is won, in the mind. And…though I do NOT dispute that… it is MISSING a component. The heart. Where is your heart? Gonna be VERY transparent, and share this. My heart hovers around BROKENNESS. Yet, from Heaven’s VANTAGE point, I have NEVER EVER been more WHOLE.

I recall even as a kid, hearing phrases in films, church, on the radio, etc… They just sorta STUCK with ME. You know WHY? Because from the moment, of first breath, JESUS was planted with ME. To be Frank, and go Deeper, in this beautiful ocean. He arrived with ME, even before I knew HIM. I was LIVING a “Never ” ending Story, for… FOREVER it SEEMS. And ONE Day, it was not my mind, that opened up to that. In fact, MY mind, couldn’t even GRAsp it. It was and IS 100% unequivocally MY HEART.

I shared something, on CAMERA, that to be REEL….I did not Want to. Or at least part of ME, did NOT. Let me clarify, THERE are PIECES of the PUZZLE, that is YOUR JOURNEY. It is YOURS because HEAVEN placed it in YOUR Kingdom. And THAT Kingdom, is one that JESUS is also 100% sovereign over. FOR He is OVER ALL THINGS. His power is CEASELESS, and fighting this power, creates. I was searching for the word, to END that snetence. And, I only heard CREATEs. HIS power CREATES.

MANY in this TIME around US, are to be BLUNT, giving CREDIT, where it is NOT DUE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Again, a TRAP. That, is micimicked,and often attempted to BE manipulated…. from the other side, to infect YOUR peace, that is YOUR birth right. By the Grace of GOD. YOU have a choice, WILL YOU…choose to SEE, even the HORRIBLE to experience the BEAUTIFUL?

I am NOT Gonna SAY, It is EASY, or a PEACE of cake. Because, well, THat is a LIE. There are days, it Feels, like a HOSE of Nastiness and YUCK, is pointed directly TOWARDS YOU, and those YOU LOVE. SOmetimes, that HOSE is in the hands, of the torementor, other times, it is rationed out. Meaning this, WE are taught to UNITE and delegate. SO, why would we EVER believe that others, who are CHOSEN to stand AGAINST Heaven…would not adapt similar strategies? The answer, because GOD is merciful. He knows, exactly the AMOUNT, each KID can handle. And wanna know something funny? It is WAY more, than WE can EVER Imagine of FATHOM. But, IT MUST and I cannot STRESS that ENOUGH…. MUST be SURRENDER to JESUS, and nothing and NO ONE ELSE.

And if NOT…God Help you. Especially right NOW. I woke up from a dream today. My body felt like a nightmare. #LIFEISINTERCESSION. BUt, what REALLY Jumped out to me, was NOT THAT part. What jumped out at ME is this. There is a place in the LIFE book, I believe in Samuel. It discusses, the CHOIR, going out on the battle field, and thanking and praising GOD. In THIS Horrendous BATTLE, MANY are preparing for um, CONSTANT fighting. They have BEEN in battle mode, so long…that REST to be Frank, eludes them.

IS this you? Is THIS Me? THIS is US. Heaven’s Family. Have you ever looked at something, been 100% certain of it, and then…the next day…or even same day. Suddenly, you wonder IF You are Wrong? WELL<<<<<<<<< Hear THIS Then. JESUS is NEVER Wrong. When you begin to RECEIVE THAT FACT, then any pride, questions, doubts, etc…will fall to the GROUND. For me, especially as a young child, I was in constant DEFENSE MODE. It is still a garment, I HAVE to surrender. OR, I will naturally pick it UP again. I will stop being able to RECEIVE the GOOD in FULL. Because my WILL, will conFLICT with Heaven.

People have TOLD me for YEARS. “YOU are TOO DEEP. ” They have said, “I can’t handle YOU. They have said, IF I walk away from you, please go on. And, so MANY more soul and spirit CRUSHING statements. THERE was a time, I was so consumed, by the effect of those SEEDS in LIFE. IT STILL TAKES JESUS, to NOT only reject the negative, but CHOOSE JOY in EVERYTHING. And yes, days come, where I want to quit. Where THERE is GRACE to friggin’ just shatter….

THERE is NOT ONE DAY, and THERE will LIKELY NOT EVER BE…for ME, that does NOT REQUIRE FULL SURRENDER. How bout you?!?! If you were to give a percentage, of surrender, what would it BE? 10%, 5% 25% 75%?!?!? I asked JESUS once, how do we FULLY Surrender? He said, LEARN about HOME, and let ME teach YOU. I AM NEVER LIMITED, EVEN When it APPEARS I AM. LIMIT is NOT a NEED for ME. Because, I never CROSS the LINE, except in RESCUE. and even THEN, it is ALWAYS from LOVE.

I THINK it is comical, and wonderful, the WAYS of HEAVEN. AT THIS place in existence, I LAUGH and ENJOY LIFE, More than EVER!!!!!!!! And That is ONLY By God’s GRACE. Becuase, when I reflect on the “missteps, and mishaps, and what I SAW as mistakes, without JESUS, I LOSE ME. How is a child tricked? God there with me. What tactics are used, to coerse a kid? Well, it is VERY simple really. Go to the Garden of EDEN, and examine, the strategy. The one, that was around, before the crucifixtion. IT WAS manipulation, that was the ROOT of that enticement. It was, in that case, both mind manipulation and heart. Because, contrary to popular believes. Jesus and the Heavenly Father, and the Holy Spirit, created everything within US, to flow and function together. So the question becomes, “why does it not, naturally do that?” And the answer is , ONLY Heaven knows. BUt what the children must learn, is this; only Heaven can “control, restore, fix, heal, and bring FORTH NEW LIFE. At least the kind of LIFE, that brings Freedom. And that Because Heaven wrote the story, there will appear to be UNEXPECTED Grace, that arises for EVERY ONE. Yes, you heard RIGHT, Every ONE. Because He died, for EVERYONE. Even THOSE who seem ALien and appear immune to HIS LOVE. It is acutely important, to remember, that NOW! Not tomorrow, Not Yesterday, but TODAY!!!!!!! Ask Jesus to tatoo that part, on your heart. So that when you encounter these individuals, draped in EVIL. YOu will SEE the child. Instead, of the FACE of the DARK.

When you were a kid, did you EVER practice walking in the dark? For now, I mean that, as a literal statement. Did you ever play, pin the tail on the donkey, or another game as a kid. ONE that requires, a blindfold? Though these games, were “fun”, I had trouble with them. I now know, that was because of other mitigating FACTORS. Ones, that have most definitiely, at times, complicated the MATH of my life. But God.

YOU know what I dreaded as a child? Come on, if you have followed, my journey, and our family one, you got some guesses… GIve up? Okay, it was being a MOmma. The biggest FEAR I ever had, was having children. Even just 1. It is so tough to admit this, not because I am ashamed, anymore. But, admitting it, is KEY to LOVING most FREE. I watched my own mother, hide and avoid, and fall so deep into dark places. And I remmeber thinking, if I can just get her out, then I will succeed. That was not a kids thought. And I am certain, that it was “peppered with pride.” But I tried, so hard to LOVE my momma. I will NEVER forget the day, she took her final flight. For years, it was such a DEEP memory, that it tormented me. It took ME to some horrific places. But God. On that day, I recall saying to JESUS…I am so sorry I failed you. Now, that is not even logical. Because, no matter what…GOD cannot fail, and we cannot FAIL HIM. WE can, appear to cause complications sometimes, but there is certain amounts of GRACE…To both create and undo, those same…entanglements. UP to a point…that Heaven chooses, that IS.

The wound, was so DEEEP back then. We Just passed 20 years, this year. Redemption. Have you EVER been, caught UP in who you are NOT? Feeling like, instead of the yuck, being like rubber, bouncing OFF, it is instead like GLUE? I heard this lyric today, referencing that. FRom one of my favorite bands, I heard Heaven speak. And the words that echoed, the most were, “Please forgive ME.” And Jesus said, “Can you forgive you?”

Can you recognize, and receive that there WAS GRACE present, for the choices made? ANd NOT Just yours, my LOVE. For EVERY choice that was made. Hidden, and revealed ones, there was GRACE. It is hard to fathom, that there is GRACE to choose anything other than Jesus. BUT Just look around…look past the yuck and evil. And SEE the GRACE. ANd if it LOOKS Blurry, just ask JESUS for His focus. Though, prepare yourself, because His focus, is a LOT to digest.

So here is something I pondered, because I was asked a question. Not sure, if I ever would have gone there, without the loving provocation? The question was, “Do you think YOU were afraid, of being a momma, because YOU already knew what would happen?” Oh the first time, I was asked that, it was so prickly. It was like being stung by nettles. I had to breathe deep, or I would have immediately answered in HASTE. I immediately felt offense, but I did not choose it. Thank God. I said, the ONLY answer I had. The only ONE that I could mutter. And, I am certain I mumbled. I said, “I don’t know.”

It has been a LONG time, since asked that question. I think, if I recall correctly, it was in the hospital. ON our first time in, when WE had NOTHING but TIME to Reflect, and search; this popped up. TODAY, I can without question or doubt, answer that question, with a confidnt. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was most definitely, partially awake TO the plans, and desires of Heaven. But, by the GRACE of GOD. I was far, from FULLLY AWAKE. And I am so grateful, that then I was NOT. Because, even though I was NOT….because of JESUS…I WAS.

Who are your days devoted to? Consider it. Are they devoted to a job, family members, activities, exercises? Do you find yourself saying… Such and such is my heart. I remember in my first, OBVIOUS momma experience, I thought often. Wow, SHE is the BEST part of me. That is logical right? But the CORE of TRUTH is, ME is not just ME. It is also Majestic Eternity. It does NOT just apply to my name. It applies to JESUS name. Often I would look at her, and SEE a mirror image of me. And ya’ll sometimes, that was BEYOND excruciating. Because of how I felt about ME. Sometimes, I could not….naturally embrace her. In essence, there were moments, where my own “hell” would conflict with the HEAVEN in her. She was the first beauty, that I ever knew, that HELL NEVER stuck to. I mean, I absolutely marveled at it. Every day, I said…”Did I ever have that?!?!” I asked God, if I did, what the Hell happened? Jesus said, A LOT. More than you NEED to know, for now. Let’s just say, GRACE kept you. Sometimes I could not even…TUNE into the answers clearly. Oh, again….but GOD. Sarah and JESUS, the coolest team in my portion, of Heavenville. And they are always UNITED, and there are MANY Team Members. JESUS is 100% CAPTAIN. KING. Sovereign.

Let’s talk about Grace. It has many definitions. The beauty and magnificense of GRACE is simple. Because of GRace, WE are able to “come as we are.” ONE aspect is “refinement of movement.” Another definition is “curteous goodwill.” Used as a verb, it means DO honor, or CREDIT to someone by one’s presence. So think about THIS, GOD LOves His kids, so much…THAT He gives Grace upon Grace upon GRace upon GRace. YOu talk about LOVE to infinity, and far beyond ALL atmospheres…THIS IS IT!

GRACE is perhaps known as the CONSUMING PASSION of the presence of GOD. Yeah, it is ultimate FAVOR. AND, it is SOW much MORE!!!! Yes, I spelled it that way, for a reason. 😉 In the LIFE book, the BIBLE… it says we reap what we sow. That means if WE sow Grace, WE will REAP it in return. Now, it may NOT come from the source we expect. However, WE will most definitely RECEIVE it! So BE it. In Jesus.

I want to close today, with this thought. I want you to close your eyes, and visualize, as many presents as you can think of. Now breathe, if you can handle visualizing tons and tons awesome. If you can only see 3, 5, 7, 10 etc… whererever and whatever the number pops up, as you close your eyes…. That number is significant. And I want to now say, that number of presents and PRESENCE is beyond infinite, in HEAVEN.

And again, contrary to “popular belief” It does not take LEAVING earth, to begin to open the presents. Well, at least not the way, most think. But it does unequivocally REQUIRE surrender. I once heard someone say, words I have said to a child. THe basis, of the admonishment that was said, is this. WE do not bless, to get blessings. And I found myself, saying… Yes, WE do, but not from a heart to control. Me do it, because it is WHO WE are. I can personally say, my heart is not to fix a blessing. The RACE we run, is not fixed. If it was, Jesus would not give US a will. However, by faith and Grace of GOD, He can HEAL it. Smiles.

Love ya’ll and want to say Thank you for LISTENING….

In His Grace,

E and Fam 🙂

13 Aug 2020

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