This entry, has required MUCH prayer and fasting. Because, ya’ll, I have to write about my DEATH. I was no like, “Yay, I am so excited, at first.” But GOD. Now, I am thrilled to share of HIS GLORY AND AFFECTIONS!!!! so, HERE WE go. 🙂 I start out, to say, that THIS began in VERY deep intercession. Around Tuesday of last week, I felt the LORD tug on me. I knew He was drawing me into HIM, even DEEPER. I began to think about Sarah, our daughter. When HE drew her in deeper, she seemed to DIE. I say, seemed to, because often, on this earth THINGS look different. It takes HOLY discernment to REALLY digest it all.

Okay, so, I was sitting b4 Jesus, really missing our girl. Not, necessarily, grieving, but just healing from the deep INTERNAL LOSS. As well, as the external loss, but more just focusing on HIS healing in process. So, I sat, and just RESTED. He would not let me connect with anyone, but my spouse. He would come in, and bring me “food and water.” The first time, we experienced this, was when she went HOME, almost 2 years ago. My husband was quite bothered by it, and sought the LORD. Who then told him, to just leave me be. SO, he barely spoke to me. Now, THIS time was very different.

My husband spoke to me, and quite frankly was pretty terrified. I could FEEL it. On my birthday, God had given me a word regarding my LIFE. My 39th B-day would be a time, I would conquer disease. Will explain more about that, in a second. But, when it happened, I think I thought I would wake up, instantly feeling better, looking better and well JUST BEING better. Yet, God had way more important plans, and strategies, I could not SEE. On Tuesday, the 13th, He began to be VERY strict with me.

He let me know, that I must not let in a soul, but DAVID, till otherwise instructed. SO, I, knowing the importance in His tone, agreed, and did as commanded. For 4 days, I sat with GOD and just died, a little more each day. I did listen to His word, on the 16th, and I had many trying to encourage me, to fight. But, I had NO FIGHT LEFT. So, Jesus fought for me. I say this, to tell you, “HE will fight for you, but YOU must be still and LET HIM.” I had to, and God is NO respector of persons.

On the 17th, and really the night of the 16th, something was bugging my husband. Finally, whatever it was backed down, and he left me, to be with God. On the 17th, it continued, and God said, “Let’s do this.” So, He used me to kind of poke at, and nudge my spouse. When this happened, eventually, ALL Hell broke loose. It ended in our room. This room, our sanctuary, is indeed HOLY GROUND. The place where we are has quite a history. I say this, to explain, that IT is a place of DEEP REST too.

At exactly 7:15 am on the 18th of this month, October, I DIED. I mean that in EVERY sense of the word. It was and IS the deepest level of DEATH, that I have EVER experienced. BAR NONE, it is the most powerful resurrection, I have ever seen, thus far. But, it was NOT just a simple resurrection. It was and IS known as ETERNAL RESSURECTION. I was given a choice, to go or stay, in a sense. I knew I needed to stay here.

As far as the details, suffice it to say, that SO MUCH evil, was involved. BUT GOD. I glory not in the enemy or His attempts, but IN MY JESUS, who overcomes. HE does it. He took me over, and as they crucified, and slaughtered me, to the very nth degree, so they did HIM. THIS is what HIS LOVE is truly about. IT is about MOVING forward, ONLY in HIS Grace, LOVE and MERCY. Faith, Hope and LOve, but the Greatest of these, is LOVE.

You see, my fellow readers, friends, family, and more, I was plucked from HELL. So long ago, I was removed from that place. But this, was the time of the promise. The time HIS HOLY seed was brought back, for HIS GLORY, and forth. I LIVE NOW. I was totally DEAD and NOW I CAN LIVE!!!!! Not, again, but REALLY for the FIRST TIME EVER!!!!!!!!

When praying about this entry, it became VERY obvious the topic. Was thinking of foreign countries. They have an embassy. Let’s look at EMBASSY defined. But, before we do, what does it mean to you? Because, when I consider it, I think of a SAFE HOUSE, or HARBOR. I think of a place, where EVIL should NOT be able to touch ME. I think of movies, like “The Saint.” Incidentally, my hubby’s favorite movie, is this one. 🙂 So, now to get to the “world” definition.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/embassy

http://www.openbible.info/topics/jesus_my_embassy

Today I was speaking with a dear sister of mine. I am so grateful for those who often don’t even know, they are angels in disguise. When talking to her, I was so touched by Heaven. Every time, God uses her to counsel me, and I’m set free, even more. I had no desire to write today. I mean less than none. i have always liked to write, when I am calm and completely at peace. But, God wants me to do this broken. So, here we go…

In order to make the point, He wants made, I need to give a bit of background. In some ways, this last week was one of the most challenging, of my life. Not for any reason, that is obvious to most. But, because God called me into HIM. Usually, when He does this, I have plenty of time to prepare. I am usually allowed to let those who are connected to me, know. But, THIS time, that did not happen. I was caught, pretty much off guard, when God did not just ask for time with me. Yes, He is a gentleman, but this was more like, and order from a Holy General.

It was more like, if I did not take the time with HIM, there would be dire consequences. So, I did. I obeyed Him, knowing I would likely be misunderstood, and it was a risk. But, I have learned, often the hard way, what happens when I disobey. Very few times, has God been so stern with me. In fact, the last time, I was in a hospital. But, that is another story. This time, it was like I was lost in time. I know it may be tough to grasp that.

You see, God is NOT a vending machine God. He is a loving Father, brother, and for me, like a mother. God is my family. He is the ONLY family I really ever let in. I grew up, looking like I was a spoiled brat. But, the TRUTH is, I just wanted acceptance. No one ever wanted to hear, what I had to share. People would pretend that they did. But, they really didn’t. I was a lot like Joseph.

My “family”, did not understand me. They put up with me, until my mom died. Then, my dad passed, 15 years later. My dad passed only 4 weeks, almost to the day, after my only child birthed. I haven’t talked much about how I felt. You see, as I kid, I was basically told not to feel. So, when my feelings got too intense, I went to a very bad outlet. It was like a drug. In fact, for 10 years, I would say I was a lot like an addict. I was addicted to causing myself harm. I did not realize that it was an addiction, until today. Truly, it was like this light bulb came on. All of the sudden I knew, I was addicted to that.

I grew up in a religulous environment. Yes, I mispelled that on purpose. It was not just religious. It was so much more than that. I was born into a family, of broken individuals. No one knew how to be free. Yes, we went to church, as a family. But, the same church telling us God loves us, would speak death over us too. It is like I was birthed into a curse. I tried to stay positive, and rely on God. But, it was like, He was this foreign being to me. I just could not plug in.

I made A LOT, I mean A LOT of very bad decisions and choices. I own it too. It really is a miracle, for me to still be breathing. It is a miracle, that God loves me, still. I dealt with and exhibited, abuse, and manipulation, and control. Because, I thought then, that was normal. To this world, it is normal. But, I don’t want to be of this world. I never did. Yes, I go through times, where I just want to be HOME. But, doesn’t everybody? Don’t WE ALL want to experience REAL LOVE? Isn’t it a desire that God gave all of us, to be what He wants?

I believe God wants us to be ALL that WE can be through HIM. But, our brokenness, can be a curse, when it is all we have known. You see, I was birthed into a family affected by many things. That is absolutely true. But, thank God, that by His divine Grace, the buck stops here. You know why? Because HE says so. He says so, and THAT is enough.

I was watching a film, that I have watched many times. In the film the woman is a writer, and a mom. She has young children. I have been there, and done that, and I am certain now, that I will do it again. But this time, it is going to be VERY different. This time, I realize that ALL God really wants from me is one thing. He wants the same thing from all of us. Any guesses???? He wants me to LOVE Him, and to allow HIM to LOVE me, in the amount that HE chooses.

The last part has been REALLY tough to swallow. In fact, it has been so tough to swallow, that it has almost killed me, literally. I know in my mind that God is sovereign. He is not just in control, He is OVER everything. This means, He does not and will not let anything take HIM away from us. NOT EVER! Now, THAT my friends and family, is GOOD NEWS. When tough things have happened to me, I have asked God one question? That question is, “Why can’t I just get over it?”

I finally have the answer? Because, I actually cannot do that. I never will be able to get over it. I admit, I am a bad mom. I am not a great wife. I’m not saying that to speak negative. It’s just, that these things are true, when I do them. The ONLY time, I am successful, is when God does it. He blesses. He LOVES without requiring me to change instantly. His GRACE really IS sufficient. THAT is a miracle. HIS LOVE is the miracle WE need.

We can get so trapped, by even the way the church views things, or our friends. But, HIS LOVE will reach us, if we accept it.. It is through HIS LOVE that you and me can BE FREE. There are many circumstances, that have just devastated me. It was not because, God was last place. It was because, I thought it was a different plan. It is so hard to understand, how you can do EVERYTHING He requires, and still it happens differently. Often, it happens in a way that CUTS us to the core.

But God. My favorite words, the last few years especially, have been 3 words. Not, I love you, or thank you God. My 3 words have been a plea. Jesus Just Breathe. I did not realize, until today how significant those words are. Do you know those three words, tell such a story. I would not be surprised, if the Heavenly Father said those words to Jesus. In a particular situation, and that is the crucifixion.

I have watched a crucifixion. Not in the same way that some have. Still, VERY real and VERY impactful. at one time, it was like I had PTSD. But the truth is, I had HTSD. That last one, stands for Heavenly Truth Stress Dismantling. I am so grateful for it, know that. Though, I would be lying, if I said it was easy to endure. Because, it has NOT been. There has been MUCH persecution. But, His LOVE has overcome. If I am an overcomer, it is for one reason alone. HE NEVER FAILS.

So, as my friend, and dear sister, spoke to me today. It is a NEW DAY, and a NEW TIME, and sometimes it will feel really uncomfortable. But, God says, “YOU are FREE to BE.” So, I tell you today, the 18th, which Biblically represents Bondage, that He is waiting to break you out. It is TIME. Choose His FREEDOM. He wants you to fly on HIS wings, in PURE JOY.

I LOVE YOU all. I don’t know who, if anyone is reading these words. But, I pray that even if no one does, they touch Heaven today. You are SO LOVED, and so AM I. Lord Jesus, I repent for anytime I have hurt someone you love. Not just that I LOVE. i repent for having expectations that have not been pleasing to you. I ask for you to COME and bring Heaven to this place. Because, I am READY NOW, to fully let you LOVE me.

Before anyone freaks out about the title, let me explain it. 🙂 A few days ago, I was sitting with my husband. He wanted to hear some music, from musicals. At first we started, by listening with our “kids.” But, then we retreated to go to sleep. He requested a song from a famous Broadway show. I bet by the title, you can guess which one. It was “Phantom of the Opera.” I listened to the lyrics, for maybe the first time ever. I mean, I had sung them before. Even with passion, I had vocalized the words. But, until that day, my  39th Birthday, I had never realized how much DARKNESS was there.

Many are believing in a phantom Jesus. One that just lets us do and be, whatever we like. The problem is the REAL Jesus is often, getting shafted. Do we realize how many reject HIS LOVE daily? I would say billions, in one way or another. The REAL Jesus is about LOVE. But, disobedience comes with consequences. Sometimes those consequences are obvious. Other times, they are a bit more subtle. The Phantom Jesus allows us to take Grace for granted, and never says a corrective word to anyone.

Just look around you. I am certain you will see many serving this Phantom. It is sad really. SO many affected by religion, and justifying bad choices, that do not honor God. But, yet it is NO surprise to the REAL Jesus. In the show that I mentioned earlier, the main character is filled with evil. In fact, He has been overtaken by it, and yearns to torment and bring it to others. Is this NOT like our enemy? I never considered the parallel before, until recently. The times that God put something together, and satan, would come in and try to destroy it.

The enemy may come to steal, kill, and destroy, but should he get to? Where is our authority? Do we not remember who we ARE in Jesus? Because, the phantom is simply something that looks like God, but is anti. It is appearing to be good, but clothed in evil that may look pretty. Isn’t it time, over 2,000 years later, for the REAL Jesus, to be respected? The one who is moral, kind, loving, compassionate, correcting, healing, and so much more; deserves HONOR. He dies on a cross, the most gruesome death. He took on HELL and had victory then, and NOW.

It is because of HIS valor that WE exists at all. EVERY single gift we have, we ow to HIM. Yet, the church has fallen away from it’s first LOVE. It has, as a whole lost it’s anchor. No wonder the earth is crying out. No wonder there are floods, and stormy weather. Heaven is calling us, into our HOME to be made whole. But, will we respond with JOY? Or will we respond with ANGER? It’s a choice. It has always been a choice.

Know that when you choose JESUS, you choose LIFE. There is a season to learn and Grow. In fact, there is Grace in that place for a while. But, Jesus loves us too much to let us stay in darkness. He is a rescuer. There is Grace to grow, yes, and Grace to learn, but not Grace to stay stuck in the muck and mire. His refining FIRE is present. But, will we receive, from a good place, or a bad?

In my life, I have had a lot of Phantoms. It seemed that I was always searching for the REAL Jesus to show up. I took a lot of bait, and fell into a lot of pits. But, even when I could not SEE, He was watching over me.

The world is so different to me. I don;t live much in it. I live from Heaven, and I highly recommend that. However, you must know, that when you do, you will indeed be tested. The fires of hell will hunt you, but Jesus will extinguish them. He is a conqueror. Even when we fall, and skin our knees, He is a victor. HE keeps on going and HE alone can win the race. So, who are we? What is our purpose exactly?

The disciples, were a lot like interns. Here is the definition of intern.

Jesus’s Rainbow

A while back, I was on an adventure, and God spoke to me. What I hear was simple. “Come play in my treehouse. Now, at first I took that as something specific, that I and our family had been working with. But, later, I realized that it was more than that. What Jesus was saying, was, “Climb up my rainbow of promise.” Perhaps, at the time, I was more reactive to things. In fact, up until VERY recently, it was much more natural for me, to react from pain, than respond fully from LOVE. Is this a struggle for you too? Parenting, is a piece of cake, in relation to say, marriage. Though, not, on purpose trying to compare the two. It’s just marriage is about union with another, and in essence with what that person carries.

I choose UNION with Jesus. I get picked on, and persecuted because of it. This does NOT mean I am perfect. The scripture that came to me, was “be ye perfect, as your Father in heaven is perfect.” This means, through surrender GOD perfects our ways. In our weakness, HIS Grace is indeed sufficient. There is Grace to grow, learn, play, cry, to exist here. Jesus’s rainbow is all about the promises of HEAVEN. Be not conformed of THIS world, but be transformed, by the renewing of your mind. What transforms us? The LOVE of GOD. How does it do so? Through knowing His words are true, and letting that truth penetrate the pain in your life.

This world can be full of “headaches.” You know who is the healer and lifter of our head? Jesus. The hardest part about growth is that, if there is anything hidden, it comes out. The degree that it does so, is between each individual, and God. I used to believe that Grace was given when we messed up. That is a lie. Grace is given, by a measure, to obedient children of God. Not to say the disobedient ones, never receive it. But, those ones, eventually have it cut off from them. Grace is a gift and a weapon. For us to climb up Jesus’s rainbow, we have to OPEN more of our hearts and minds before HIM.

This world, often shoots or tries to kill it’s wounded. But, Jesus picks up and hugs them. He reaches down and gives them kisses, and LOVE. If we have experienced memories of others that beat, hurt, or try to destroy wounded, those must be given to God. As we do this, HE will redeem them, and bring us new memories, and remove the old hurts. We cannot beat ourselves up, when we appear to fail. Just as we cannot beat God up, He created us. WE are treasures b4 HIM, gifts, and precious jewells. It hurts our awesome amazing GOD, when we try and agree with tormenting ourselves, for a mistake or bad choice. This is why repentance is a gift.

The faithfulness of God, never ceases to astound me. As He uses such a broken vessel, and MANY to reach other broken vessels, and makes us whole. ONLY through HIS LOVE can WE be broken and restored. ONLY through HIS LOVE can we receive our Heavenly reward. Only through HIS Grace, can we face the HELL on earth. Only by His mercy, do we appreciate the worth. HIS LOVE is REAL. We have a choice, to choose or not. WE can strive, and allow our lights to burn out. Or, we can REST and SEE what HE is ALL about. I live under the umbrella of my HOME. I am a visitor here, to walk and roam. To travel far and wide, from nation to nation and tide to tide. His LOVE is where I abide, and AM made NEW. His LOVE delivers me, and gets me THROUGH.

I am so in AWE of JESUS. I always have been. Truly, the story of Christ, has always been something that just cause me wonder. Does it do this for you? How can anyone LOVE us so much??? With all the ways, that we may have been used to disappoint HIM, or hurt HIM, directly or not. Intentional or not, WE ALL have wounds from where WE may have been used to yell crucify. Who crucified Jesus? ALL those who said they LOVED HIM. If we really do, we must RECEIVE. We must FEAST on Heaven’s manna. We must not complain, and be so grateful for each morsel.

We are called, to GIVE up, and release everything before God. WE are commanded to have no other gods before Him. Not our kiddos, our spouse, our pets, our stuff, you name it, nothing. Are we living this out? Or, are we living paycheck to paycheck, barely getting by. It is TIME to come out of the death of the world. Don’t you desire your DRY BONES to LIVE again? Because, ONLY through the LOVE of JESUS, can this take place.

I know that when we are hurting, we make poor choices. I have so lived that. But, in the midst of it all, if there is surrender and repentant hearts, THAT is what matters. It does not matter if everything fits the mold on the outside. GOD is not demanding perfection from YOU. What He is demanding is respect, kindness, and to if chosen, RECEIVE. The hard part is, sometimes you receive the GOOD, Bad, and ugly. Until the bad and ugly is turned to GOOD. There is nothing but goodness in JESUS. He is ONLY made of LOVE.

WE live under the shadow of Heaven. His name is Jesus. We choose not religion. WE choose not to please us or others. WE simply exist to be a healing light, by HIS Grace. I pray He sets things aright, as WE seek HIS face. His heart aches, for the wayward babes. His heart bleeds for the prodigal sons and daughters. But, know that not matter what comes, HE never falters. He just wants ALL of you. He wants you to be TRUE to HIS desires and plans.

https://bible.org/seriespage/18-shadows-substance-hebrews-726-85

WE can testify of HIS faithfulness. Ever see planted and scattered, HE has redeemed. WE are seeing it, quickly, by HIs Grace. Trusting HIM, because HE is the KEY to freedom. He deserves to be honored and LOVED. He made us. So, we have good in us. I believe, in this season, the faithfulness of HEAVEN, and those who obey will SEE. I believe that they will receive new keys to treasures untold. His LOVE is indeed pure GOLD.

Stay encouraged precious ones. Just as Paul carried Jesus by shadow, so can we. As JESUS is, so are WE in this world. Your faithfulness will indeed be rewarded. Get excited, and declare victory. USE the authority of Heaven, as He purifies. Heaven on earth will come. It will indeed arrive. SOoner than we think, look for the angels in disguise. Worship them not, but be surprised as Goliaths fall. JESUS has and will win it all. REST.

Lord, I come before you and I thank you for MORE than enough. You give and give and give and NEVER tire of giving. YOU are the LIVING GOD. There is NO death in you. Faithful and true is your HEART before your kids. I am so grateful, that no tear was wasted. Even in the times where we felt faithless, you never let us go. WE clung to the hem of your garment. Just along for the ride, we abided in you. We do still now. We live under the shadow of Heaven. With not an ounce of leaven, that can stay for long. YOUR LOVE leads our way, as a light and a gift everyday. MY hope, and that of your family is in you. We praise you for bringing LIFE to old seeds, for ridding the body of ALL disease. Thank you JESUS, for by your shadow healing me.

In His Grace and Glory,

E and Fam

It is the 26th today. I hope you recall, what that means. Just in case, you don’t I will share. 🙂 Biblically 26 is the GOSPEL of Jesus Christ. A few days ago, He spoke to me about this. What is the Gospel? It is VERY simple. YOU are LOVED by a GOD who created you. Because, you are LOVED, a savior was sent to DIE for you. He arose again, to conquer ALL evil, on your behalf. His resurrection, is why you can exist. He chooses you, and asks to be chosen, in return. He desires ALL of you.

The gospel is about repentance for any part, WE have prayed as well as played, that may have been a hindrance to the plan of GOD. It is about being willing to lay down, our lives for HIM. You know why we should? BECAUSE He did so for us. He LOVES us, and because WE LOVE HIM, we are willing to keep going without. But, does that mean, WE go without forever? NO! It absolutely does not mean this. What it does, is it is used to cleanse us. We must be purified of this world. Let me explain this further; His LOVE heals us. But, what if WE do NOT receive the healing?

The answer is simple, WE stay sick. Sickness is a funny thing. It is not just physical. EVERY sickness has some spiritual root, as well as a natural one. The ROOTS are very important. If we do not seek HIM, about what they are, WE can stay ill. But, when we do, we learn that there is FREEDOM in HIS LOVE. Our family claims divine health, daily. Does that mean we never ever suffer? Well, honestly no. Does it mean we never experience a negative symptom? NO. Here is what it does refer to; JESUS has full authority here.

In His eyes, WE are completely beautiful. He does not worry about money, bills, looks, or Anything of THIS world. He has no anxiety. He is ONLY filled with good things. He is LOVE. In HIM, WE are LOVE. He does not get bogged down by sickness. He does not stress over a single thing. His word says, “BE ANXIOUS FOR NOTHING, BUT IN EVERYTHING, Praise the LORD.” Yesterday, when He was prepping me to share, He sent me a song. I heard this song years ago. The first time, I heard it, was in a movie. The movie, “Say Anything” really spoke to me. This movie was about an outcast, who was brought together with someone of favor. In the midst, the one of favor endures deep betrayal. Who can relate to this? Why, the outcast of course. Jesus knows, HE encountered ALL that WE do. Yet, He never chose darkness. Not EVER! He stayed pure then and NOW.

Do not buy the lies that what was done, matters not. Because, what JESUS did and does, MATTERS. It is everything. Anything that says otherwise is antiJesus. Be not deceived in THIS hour precious COGS. Know, not only WHOM you serve, but how you do so. You do NOTHING alone. If you are a good parent, praise GOD. If your kids know their HOLY identity, praise GOD. If you have struggles and difficulties, thank HIM. For think it not strange the fiery trials.The afflictions last just a moment. HIS LOVE lasts forever.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/petergabriel/inyoureyes.html

“In Your Eyes”

“The mirror of Jesus ‘s Eyes.” Finally, all those things told so long ago, I can see. How bout you? Who’s mirror are you using??? I want to see ME, through HIM. I choose each day, the filter of HIS LOVE. I choose to EAT of LIFE and not death. I choose to eat of HEAVEN now. Why? Because, it is the destiny that has been sown for me. What about you? ARe you under attack attempts from darkness? According to the word, you were bought with a price. JESUS has saved you. Do you receive that? Will you look into HIS mirror, HIS eyes?

Or, will you choose comfort, the pathway to death, and darkness? The CHOICE is yours. It always has been. I assure you, there is NO place like HOME. He will LOVE you, regardless of your choice. But, know that the measure of that LOVE, will be so much smaller. I want ALL of HEAVEN. It is my HOME. I only visit here. I repent for times I saw myself through other filters. Because, HE deserves to have my WHOLE heart. Doesn’t He deserve to have yours?

In Jesus’s eyes I know that I am “Fearfully and wonderfully made.” In His eyes I know that I am “More than a conqueror.” In His eyes, I am “HIS sister, His kid, His princess, His Queen, His bride, and so much more. Who are you in HIS eyes, He will show you, and YOU can heal along the way. Here is what is amazing, those around YOU will heal too. He spreads LIFE not lies, because there is ONLY truth in HIM. Only truth resides, in HIS eyes. Forgiveness lives there, healing, JOY, and so much more. Look into the eyes of Jesus, and HE will bring the changes you crave. His desires will become yours, and you will finally be truly FREE. Whom, the SON sets FREE is FREE indeed.

In His Grace and favor,

E and Fam

How many times must we die, through the LORD? I have often asked this question. Going to HIM and saying to HIM, “When is the time of redemption and resurrection?” Have you asked something similar? Like a child in a car, I sit before HIM, saying, “Are we there yet?” I am wanting ONLY to be real here. I experience, like you, the human journey. It is NOT an easy process. It was NOT meant to BE EASY. At times it is uncomfortable, to the nth degree. But, having said that, it is SO worth the process. You know why? Because, it is MEANT to prepare US for Heaven.

The title of this entry, came to me at a very ODD time. I had just come off a fast, that quite frankly, I did not even know I was on. I had never experienced a FAST like this one before. It was related to faith, yes, as most are. However, THIS one was not just related to it, it actually WAS it. You see, my faith had become a THORN in my side. What does God tell us about those? That, they cut us, right? I read a post recently about leading while bleeding. Though, I do believe that someone can get healed from a leader who is bleeding, I also feel strongly THAT cannot and should not last forever. Meaning, JESUS must come and bring healing, or the person dies. They will NOT just die to the flesh, they will leave the earth.

There are SO many times, I have literally died. I say literally because, for me it is not just a heart beat that keeps me alive. It is one thing, for me, JESUS. Now, that I am reconnected, no matter how I feel, there can be no disconnect. In fact, in truth there felt like one before, but even that was deception. Because, at that time, Jesus was still watching over me. My testimony has been somewhat hidden to me. In some ways, I could not explain it to others. Until, Sarah Elizabeth, our youngest daughter, came into our life.

When she was birthed to us, and through me, our LIFE began to experience Heaven. I will never forget that day. people say, God is not a confusing God. The word says, “he is not the author of confusion.” I firmly agree with that. Though, I also believe that PEACE from God can FEEL like confusion to us. It definitely does to a non believer. So, we need to consider this, and that WE cannot expect evil to leave when GOD shows up. However, the GOOD news is WE can and should, expect it to BOW!

I have been FLATLINED and thrust forward. I have sat before HIM, and said, “I have died too many times to count, when does that part end?” There are seasons, as We know, through Jesus. A season is a specific amount of time, kin to an era. It can be an hour. I am SO learning this part, that seasons in the natural, sometimes LOOK different than those in the spirit, at first. But, in HIM and through Jesus, the Heavenly Father, and Holy Spirit, they become solidified. Tangibleness, and LIFE comes, through JESUS, our awesome and Glorious guide.

As a child, I thought like a child. Here is why, because, I became a product of my environment. I became a product of death, essentially, that looked happy sometimes. But, LIFE was always about drudgery. I sought the JOY, and I just did NOT get that it was ALL in JESUS and IS HIM. Every time, I tried to love it was rejected. I was SO LOST. I seemed to live my LIFE in the valley of Baca.

This morning, I was awoken early, as often happens when I am preparing for this. I was not consciously aware of what needed to be talked about. But, in my spirit, I have known for a while, that this topic must be broached. First off, for you who have followed our ministry, that WE steward, thank you. Just a heads up, that there will be changes happening in the writing. God has let me know that I need to share my feelings a bit more. Let me be clear, I have no desire to turn anyone to what I believe. I ONLY desire what HIS will and plan is. My goal is to share HIS LOVE.

In prayer recently, He put it on my heart to share MY heart. Because, in it is also the heart of Jesus. I encourage you, to always pray before listening to or reading anything. Mainly because, one thing I have learned is, anyone can be influenced by spirits at play, in the world. That is, anyone but God. So, with that intro, and that said. We shall move further, into the topic point.  🙂 Thank you for your patience, and  taking time to discern, and to honor God. It really is an honor to be a scribe for the KINGDOM of heaven.

While studying about the israelites, God began to open my eyes about a few things. He gave them the VERY best while they were traveling toward the promises. Yet, He gave it in limited amounts. For those who were traveling there, but were not truly willing to surrender, they did not APPRECIATE the manna. Those complained and even when God sent help, it was NEVER ever enough.

I realized that the minute we come into the world, life here begins. The journey to see fulfilled promises, starts right as we come out of the womb. I started reflecting on my childhood, and how many times I had experienced Israelite mentality. As a kid, I did NOT appreciate anything. I was so affected by entitlement, pride, anger, gluttony, and so much more. I loved GOD. I so wanted to be different. But, I just kept falling into the same traps. It seemed like an endless cycle. Every time I would try and fix it, or make a change, NOTHING got better long term. It was seriously depressing.

I observe the past, and now understand a lot more. No wonder I battled depression, suicidal thoughts, hatred towards self, and horrible self image. I am not ever going to blame anyone for my choices. At least not again, because I am responsible for the decisions that were made then, and now. There were some really bad ones, that showed up, and that I chose then. Even now, free from the prison of the past, the enemy still tries. I fall down, and skin my knee spiritually speaking. I do sometimes, and cannot lie and say otherwise. Many of us fall, and then we take Jesus’s hand. We get back UP again. WE repent for the fall, and we choose to trust HIM to move us forward.

Since God is calling me to share how I felt then, I will. But, just bare with me, because THAT part is tough. Here is how I felt, if I had to put it in one word. I felt, overtaken. My body, mind and spirit was just harrased, and overwhelmed by the evil that was haunting, and tormenting as well as torturing me. Not only that, I could see it doing so, to everyone around me. Here is what I now know, that even when WE feel overtaken by evil, it does not mean we ARE. His Grace is indeed sufficient, and power perfected in our weaknesses. We can REST in HIS victory, that is already accomplished. Then, we can receive what was done, is done, and has been through HIS amazing LOVE. We can choose FAITh in Jesus alone, and nothing more. When we are weary and tired, as WE come unto HIM, we will find the REST.

In His Grace and Glory,

E and Fam