But GOD, I’m tired
This morning, I was awoken early, as often happens when I am preparing for this. I was not consciously aware of what needed to be talked about. But, in my spirit, I have known for a while, that this topic must be broached. First off, for you who have followed our ministry, that WE steward, thank you. Just a heads up, that there will be changes happening in the writing. God has let me know that I need to share my feelings a bit more. Let me be clear, I have no desire to turn anyone to what I believe. I ONLY desire what HIS will and plan is. My goal is to share HIS LOVE.
In prayer recently, He put it on my heart to share MY heart. Because, in it is also the heart of Jesus. I encourage you, to always pray before listening to or reading anything. Mainly because, one thing I have learned is, anyone can be influenced by spirits at play, in the world. That is, anyone but God. So, with that intro, and that said. We shall move further, into the topic point. 🙂 Thank you for your patience, and taking time to discern, and to honor God. It really is an honor to be a scribe for the KINGDOM of heaven.
While studying about the israelites, God began to open my eyes about a few things. He gave them the VERY best while they were traveling toward the promises. Yet, He gave it in limited amounts. For those who were traveling there, but were not truly willing to surrender, they did not APPRECIATE the manna. Those complained and even when God sent help, it was NEVER ever enough.
I realized that the minute we come into the world, life here begins. The journey to see fulfilled promises, starts right as we come out of the womb. I started reflecting on my childhood, and how many times I had experienced Israelite mentality. As a kid, I did NOT appreciate anything. I was so affected by entitlement, pride, anger, gluttony, and so much more. I loved GOD. I so wanted to be different. But, I just kept falling into the same traps. It seemed like an endless cycle. Every time I would try and fix it, or make a change, NOTHING got better long term. It was seriously depressing.
I observe the past, and now understand a lot more. No wonder I battled depression, suicidal thoughts, hatred towards self, and horrible self image. I am not ever going to blame anyone for my choices. At least not again, because I am responsible for the decisions that were made then, and now. There were some really bad ones, that showed up, and that I chose then. Even now, free from the prison of the past, the enemy still tries. I fall down, and skin my knee spiritually speaking. I do sometimes, and cannot lie and say otherwise. Many of us fall, and then we take Jesus’s hand. We get back UP again. WE repent for the fall, and we choose to trust HIM to move us forward.
Since God is calling me to share how I felt then, I will. But, just bare with me, because THAT part is tough. Here is how I felt, if I had to put it in one word. I felt, overtaken. My body, mind and spirit was just harrased, and overwhelmed by the evil that was haunting, and tormenting as well as torturing me. Not only that, I could see it doing so, to everyone around me. Here is what I now know, that even when WE feel overtaken by evil, it does not mean we ARE. His Grace is indeed sufficient, and power perfected in our weaknesses. We can REST in HIS victory, that is already accomplished. Then, we can receive what was done, is done, and has been through HIS amazing LOVE. We can choose FAITh in Jesus alone, and nothing more. When we are weary and tired, as WE come unto HIM, we will find the REST.
In His Grace and Glory,
E and Fam