For days, in fact since the third of this month, I have been unable to speak much. When I woke, and it was put in my spirit, and on my heart to write today, I wasn’t exactly jumping up and out bed. I thought, look at what is going on in the world. How is what I and we are enduring even important?
John 1:5 ESV
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
1 John 1:5-7 ESV
This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.
John 11:10 ESV
But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.”
Luke 1:79 ESV
To give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.”
Acts 26:18 ESV
To open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’
John 3:19-21 ESV
And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”
For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness.
Psalm 139:12 ESV
Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.
Colossians 1:13 ESV
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son,
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
John 8:12 ESV
Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
1 John 2:8-11 ESV
At the same time, it is a new commandment that I am writing to you, which is true in him and in you, because the darkness is passing away and the true light is already shining. Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.
Revelation 9:2 ESV
He opened the shaft of the bottomless pit, and from the shaft rose smoke like the smoke of a great furnace, and the sun and the air were darkened with the smoke from the shaft.
Hebrews 12:18 ESV
For you have not come to what may be touched, a blazing fire and darkness and gloom and a tempest
Matthew 8:12 ESV
While the sons of the kingdom will be thrown into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
Ephesians 5:8 ESV
For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light
Ephesians 6:12 ESV
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
Isaiah 50:10 ESV
Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of theLord and rely on his God.
Romans 1:21 ESV
For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.
1 Peter 2:9 ESV
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
Ephesians 5:11 ESV
Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.
Genesis 1:2 ESV
The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
Matthew 25:30 ESV
And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
Isaiah 9:2 ESV
The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined.
1 John 1:6 ESV
If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.
2 Peter 2:4 ESV
For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them to chains of gloomy darkness to be kept until the judgment;
Romans 13:12 ESV
The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.
Yet, it is to GOD. Our very breath is important to Him. He doesn’t focus on the wrong, but rejoices in the right. In my life, I have truly never been so weary. For weeks I have cried out to GOD from my soul. It isn’t just because of the death of our only child. It is so much more than that.
Darkness has been calling. In fact, everywhere I have looked, there has been darkness. Or, so I thought. It came through friends who were hurt, lashing out and assuming. It arrived through memories. For all intensive purposes that darkness was death.
But yesterday something happened. God used someone who didn’t know me, to reach out into the darkness and sincerely offer HIS LOVE. Yes, many have been praying. But, so few have reached out. I know it’s scary to watch someone suffer. when we are so wounded ourselves, we often want to or choose to run away. I hold no ill will towards anyone, or harbor any unforgiveness. I simply thank GOD that He used someone.
THIS is where HIS Glory is birthed. It comes into the darkness. It comes slowly and gently and at times painfully, it is formed here. Without really knowing it, I have been seeking God for answers. I have been sitting with HIM for weeks, just allowing GOD alone to stroke my shower and bathe me in LOVE.
I have been screaming on the inside. My body started just a few days ago to tremble. I thought, it’s just the grief. But, it wasn’t it was and IS the presence of GOD. I feared He was gone, had left me. Yet, all along, He was with me.
This is a very personal entry. It is very self reflective, from HIS perspective. Because this morning, I saw GOD crying. I am not saying I have seen GOD per se. But, I have seen what we know as GOD. I saw images of HIS children suffering.
Yesterday, I watched something. You see, I know the WORD of GOD. I know it deep within. But, having said that, what I didn’t know is GOD in us is HIS word. He wants to LOVE us with it. He desires to HEAL us with it. There is a balm is Gilead. There is healing in HIS hands.
The things in this world will look really bad. Darkness will call, and sometimes we will answer. But, I am very thankful to GOD alone that, even when we do, HIS LOVE will not end. Yes, we may not feel it the same way, until we come to HIM in TRUTH and realness seeking HIS FORGIVENESS.
I used to speak of GOD resurrecting me. In fact, I would say daily that He does this. But somehow over the last few months, I had forgotten that He does this in sorrow too. I am beyond words grateful for the brothers and sisters who reach out even when the darkness is thick. Those who take time to cut through all the rigamortis.
God is using many people. He is, in this season. He is even using people trapped and confined in darkness. For a few days, I didn’t post anything. Because, I didn’t have anything nice to say. I simply prayed silently. Most often not even knowing. I was reminded that sometimes the most effective prayers come in the form of tears.
Years ago when mom passed into God’s arms, I wrote a power. It was called “the Rainbows”
I don’t remember much about it, except this. It was written after seeing my first double rainbow. I remember looking at it and recognizing the reflection. It is an illusion, that comes from fragments of light. Yet, it is beautiful. It captures just how we look in reflection to GOD. Backwards, faded, yet Glorious in His LIGHT. ~ like a mother and a child….or a father and a child. WE are the FAMILY of GOD.
This morning, shortly after God woke me, I got a phone call. I didn’t answer. I simply handed it to my husband. David, though half asleep answered. The person said they had the wrong number. I thought, “wow that is what happens when GOD takes the phone call.” It was something so simple yet, so profound. when the enemy calls, GOD says, “wrong number.”
Many people in ministry, well meaning people kept telling me to read the word every day. Yet, I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t read. I couldn’t even listen. I could just watch. I could just stare. I could just be. All I kept hearing from GOD was this. “Rest my child. REST in me.”
For days, until yesterday in fact, when David and i prayed at night, only HE would pray. I would simply agree. Even last night I could barely come up with anything to say. So, I mumbled, thank you.
I hope somehow in the midst of this nothingness, this darkness, GOD is still using us. I have wondered how He could? Yet, again I know that NOTHING is impossible for HIM. I thank GOD for reminding me that she, our butterfly is not gone. She is simply more hidden than before.
I thank HIM for the honor of being able to shoulder pain for others, even while walking through the Valley of the Shadow o Death. I thank GOD that in the time where I could have caused great harm, I did not. I forgive the many people involved, because even if they think they knew what they were trying to do, they did not.
I CAN LOVE AGAIN
THE DEAD WILL NOT CREATE DEFEAT
IT IS ONLY THOSE WHO LOVE FROM HEAVEN
WHO WILL MAKE THIS WORLD COMPLETE
GOD walked with me, hand in hand for 18 days. He was with me in bed as I just sat and often wept. He broke me out of many a prison. Thank GOD for HIS Grace, mercy and love to endure even the darkest most cavernous darkness.
Thank you for the sunshine. Thank you for the rain. Thank you for the JOY. Thank you for the pain. Thank you that YOU alone have overcome, again.
REMEMBER that GOD never promised NO PAIN and SUFFERING in the PROmISED LAND. He simply said, the promises are kept there. ~
DARKNESS will CALL. LET GOD Answer.
I have wanted to scream, but couldn’t. I have wanted to curse GOD, but wouldn’t. I have wanted to HATE, but cannot. Because deep within I know that when darkness calls, even on the phone, that GOD will overcome. He already has. We simply must receive it.
In His grace and GLORY,
E and Family
21 Feb 2014