Monthly Archives: April 2016

I was not particularly “normal,” as a child. So, I’m not sure why I thought, our “kids” might be. In any case, normal, we are not, except when it pertains to HIM. I suppose my point it, when it comes to HEavEN, and GOD, we are so VERY normal. BUT, when it comes to THIS world, some seem to find us, odd.

This entry was prompted by a film. Last night, after much deliberating, and praying, we saw the movie, “Miracles from Heaven. ” I remember a year ago, I was out with our daughter. I saw the title, and the book cover, and took a picture. But, I had NO IDEA, how important, it would be. I was supposed to go see it, about a week, before I did. But God. His time is perfect. By faith, we went last night.

All through the movie, I cried, and David cried. It was healing, and yet very hard to watch. I just kept hearing the Lord. He kept speaking, “I’m here, holding your hand.” My husband usually drops my hand half way through a movie is done. But, THIS time, He held my hand, from start to finish. Not once, did HE let go. Not just my husband, but JESUS. How incredible is that???

Watching this sweet little angel, onscreen recount her experience, we could so relate. Not only to the challenges they faced, physically. But, also to the persecution, which I think they barely touched on. The people calling them names, gossiping about them, not believing, and judging. Where was the LOVE? I’ll tell you where. IN the children!

Jesus says to “Come as a child. ” To let nothing hinder, the “children” because the kingdom of Heaven is made of such as these. Our daughter, who went home in 2013, she personified a life, of Grace, Mercy, and LOVE, through Jesus. Whenever she came into the room, the presence of Heaven was so strong. My husband and I literally stood at attention.

i’m not going to lie, and say that walking through this process, has been easy. It STILL is NOT easy. But, I absolutely will tell YOU, that HE has NEVER let go of my hand. In the movie, the wife battled unbelief and doubts. The husband appeared stronger, and more grounded in his faith. I asked my husband, “Do you think He really was that way? Or, was he just holding it together, because He had to?”

I have been forced to be the “strong” one. I did not like it, and even now, when I am called upon to do so, I HAVE to ask “JESUS” to do so, through me. Because, I will fail. But, a dear friend reminded me, THAT is necessary. JESUS succeeded by NEVER taking HIS eyes off HIS FATHER. We must succeed by never removing ours, from JESUS. You know why? HE does it the right way. He did then, and does so now. But, it looks different, to us, and maybe to others.

When our youngest daughter went to Heaven, to stay, it felt like my heart was literally ripped OUT of my body. I died too, and went with her. In fact, my physical body was so deeply affected, that a year or so, after she went, my heart stopped. It was not for a long time, and thank GOD, did not accrue damage. But, it did STOP. I thought, before that happened, that Sarah should be the star. But, she was not here anymore. But, SHE is. Just not, in a way that often makes sense to others. Anyway, Jesus in her was the star.

When I had MY encounter, I was surrounded by so much LOVE. ALL those who had gone before were present. And I looked up to Jesus, and said, “As much as I want to stay, and I REALLY do, because THIS is my HOME, I cannot. I am not finished yet. ” He looked at me, and smiled, and thanked me. This truly touched me. I loved being around my Heavenly Family. I was finally HOME, and FREE.

I have ready many books about people, having similar experiences. Instead of coming back sad, I came back JOYFUL, and on FIRE. But, it only lasted a few weeks. Then, I felt discouraged, because it seemed no one was listening. But GOD. He reminded me, that even in the deepest darkest places, HE is there. That, just because things appear one way, does not mean that they ARE. That, HIS LOVE is GOOD and it has conquered. Essentially, He reminded me, that as long as He is holding my hand, we can jump into or out of anything.

The reason this entry is so personal, is because, in my heart, and in my spirit I ache with God. As others anguish, and suffer, so we suffer as a body. I always wanted a family, that loved and served God. Now, I have one. Not that every person in the family is the same. But, we are all called to HIS heart, to be loved. To be embraced, by Heaven, is beautiful, and at times exhausting. I was thrilled to see my mom, dad, children, and others. When I get to a place, sometimes that feels dark, I think of that, and smile. That little piece of Heaven, was and is such a gift.

When I was running, from door to door, while asking God, what is this for? He held my hand. With every despair and demand. He held my hand. In every dream. He held my hand. When ripped apart at the seams, He held my hand. When I was bleeding out. He held my hand. His breath, repaired, and new blood transfused. He held my hand. Through EVERY storm. He held my hand. Broken and worn. He held my hand. Through every rejection. He held my hand. With every exception, He held my hand. Through every death. He held my hand. Through every birth. He held my hand. In every instance, when I felt I was on shifting sand, my ROCK never moved, and HE NEVER ever let go of my hand. He kissed my wounds, He held my hand. With every bruise, He held my hand. Every persecution, accusation and curse that came. He held my hand, and sheltered me from MORE pain. His blood stain, is what makes me clean. He held my hand.

In His Grace and Glory,

Elea and Fam

For days I have been meditating on this entry. What does it mean to DANCE with Jesus? A dance partner, requires complete trust. You are putting your life, in his or her hands. The more experienced partner leads. He is indeed, our loving leader. He is GRACE. Therefore, even when we fall, it can be graceful. But, we have to say YES. It starts with that one word.

Remember the Just say NO campaign? Who prospered it? God did. He gave them the great ideas, to reach out to families. I know, there were other agendas, but what I remember is the GOOD purpose. That was and IS to SAVE us. To keep us from ALL harm. I used to think, if I just stayed away from drugs, and tried my best to live a good life, THAT would be enough. But, I was striving to WIN God’s Love. Like, it was a prize I got, only when GOOD. But the TRUTH is, HIS LOVE is ALWAYS present.

I was reading a book today, and in it, it discusses a scenario. It was of a man and his brother. The brother was observing his walk with God. One man, was not in love with God, and because of the observation, was terrified to LOVE HIM. Oh, did this convict me. Tears welled up in my eyes. I cried out to HIM. I said, “I am so sorry, if anything I did, or said, drove someone away from YOU.” I say that now, to anyone who may have been, one of those, pushed from God, instead of to HIM. Please forgive me, and give HIM another chance. Because ALL God wants from us is to RECEIVE His LOVE.

So many, focus on everything that has to be changed. But, HE just wants to dance. He wants to be our partner. He desires to be our best friend. He wants our hearts. Years ago, I heard a song called, “The Dance.” It was back, when I listened to lots of country music. Even then, I looked for God in everything. I was a teenager, and I just wanted to find my way. I just hoped it was HIS. I remember equating this song to relationships. But now, I see it as how Jesus felt. Let me explain.

It’s all about, how He was glad He did not know, what was coming. I believe Jesus did not fully know, until HE KNEW, what would come, then and now. When He said yes, it was because, He loves us, and loves HIS Father. I believe He only had glimpses of the battle, but yet, had complete PEACE in the process. WHAT an example we have to follow! He never chose to doubt the plans of Heaven. He just allowed what to come, to come.

His life on earth, was a dance with Heaven. Because of it, WE can now, dance with Jesus. We can now, hurt with HIM, heal with HIM, and LOVE through HIM. Many of us have lived a LIFE in the middle. We sort of stayed somewhere between good and bad. But, JESUS, only CHOSE the GOOD. Which means, when someone did something, that He did not agree with, many times, He would overlook it. He took it to HIS Father.

I woke from a dream. In it, I was singing, and praising God, as my spirit cried out for holiness. For He says, “When you PASS through the waters, I will BE with YOU.” This is so important to remember.

This song came across my FB page today…

“Tell Your Heart To Beat Again”

THIS is such a powerful song, by Danny Gokey. The very first time I heard it, was so powerful. I was with a dear sister, who is really enduring a lot. She and her little angels, were out and about. We were about to go inside, for lunch. But God intervened. A song came on, and before he sang, the music drew me. she said, “Well, let’s listen.” So, we did. We both wept. It was such a piece of Heaven on earth.

After the song was over, I found myself still struggling with it. Only NOW, days later, am I able to receive what it says and means. Because, the first time, I need to be honest. I just thought, “I don’t want to!!!!!” Not just like a screaming 2 year old. But, from the depths of my soul. I realized that I was asking God to give me a reason to BE.

Have you ever felt that way? Like NOTHING in the natural is how it should be? Because, I was there. Separated from everything, but GOD. I was at the door of the prison, ready to walk OUT. The doors were OPEN. But, I was so used to the pain, the hurt, the darkness. I had lived THERE for so LONG. I was always with Jesus. But, I was THERE, in the dark hidden away.

The problem is, in that cavernous place, the GOOD cannot stay. It requires coming out of the DARK places, to experience MORE of the GLORY of God. For it is formed within the darkness. But, eventually, it is BIRTHED into the LIGHT.

Eventually WE must take the hand of JESUS, and WALK OUT and AWAY from the darkness. It does not mean, He will never send us to be of rescue. It means, WE will not be PART of the DARK. Yesterday, I did my best to explain something. Someone was sharing their intrigue with a certain book and movie series. My response was simple. “I don’t go there anymore. I do NOT fault those who do. I simply know, that I cannot.” I stay in the LIGHT with Jesus. It is where my HOME IS. It is where it is SAFE. And, Because HIS LOVE keeps growing, IT is the palace of Victory.

More insight on the scripture, “When you PASS through the waters, I will BE with YOU.” It is not just literal water. Sometimes it is. BUT, it also refers to the water of LIFE, and Death. For, we are ALL dying. Only He knows when our last day, on earth will be. But, anyone can DIE for HIM. He wants us to LIVE for and WITH Him. Can everyone do that? They CAN, but WILL they? According to the word of God, the answer is no, not ALL will. But, I know that I will, and our family will. I know this, because, our test in LIFE and our destiny is every breathe with and for Jesus.