PERseVerE ~ #EveryTeAR 💧 ❤️ 🌻🌸 🚆

  1. 10527370_10152605851838879_2057460581450348634_n12166887_10207993635856946_547456957_n13933360_10155100327842785_752944123_nfighting-parentslarge29caf0651dd94f57758d9befcb449fc8184414_10151642914512863_1045860989_nWhen the LORD awoke ME, knowing current conditions, today….I said “YES Lord.” Yet, my physical BODY wanted more SLEEP. Somedays, it SEEEMS so little to ME. But, as someone  love❤️ ❤️ ❤️ lovingly reminded me, “It TAKES what it TAKEs.” It definitely DOEs…do THAT. I asked HIM what to SPEAK on, today with written WORDS. And, one word CAME. SURRENDER. That WORD…oh MY. Has been a culprit, and connection to SO many lies, HERE. But, by HIS Grace, may THAT be NOW overturned. In Jesus NAME.  Love❤️ Everything is CONNECTED. Some days, I would LIKE that NOT to BE. But, it IS. It is a SIMPLE fact, and it does NOT have to SCARE ME. And it does not have to BRING fear 2 YOU, either. By HIS Grace, FREEDOM can come in it’s place. ~~~ ❤️

 

 

So, Act 2 SCENE 3, it seems…

 

 

“JUST BREATHE”, i hear my Jesus say. ~~~  The song ON – “I will RISE” (CTomlin) ❤️

 

 

“”I will RISE when HE calls MY NAME. No MORE SORROW, NO MORE PAIN.”” That lyric. WOW . Just that one. NOt to mention the WHOLE SONG. Manna HERE. NO need 4 trying to be perfect. JESUs knows, everything I naturally SEE as flaws. To HIM, that MAKES His design, MORE beautiful, at the CROSS. And by HIS Grace, ME too. ~~~~ ❤️

 

 

 

So, in THIS scene picture THIS… a child in her bed. Age 9. Sound asleep, and dreaming in peace. Then, in SUDDEN SHOCk, her Momma comes IN. The MOMMA is in a PANIC. Because, this CHILD’s ROOM has just been ASSAULTED. There were ROCKS thrown, through the WINDOWS. 2, at LEAST that I recall there. One, in at least another ROOM in the house. The MOMMA is completely FREAKING out. The husband, and Daddy trying to comfort her. But, NOT knowing what to say. And that CHILD, for a LOOOOOOOOng time, could NOT sleep peaceful, after that DAY. While this is happening, her brother, middle and his friend, were watching TV in the “play room.”  That room, was the ONE in the home, where FRIENDS, would come and fellowship. ~~~

 

 

Also, same NIGHT the mail box OUTSIDE, made of RUBBER then. To our surprise, after assesment, by AUTHORITIES….bashed IN. Yet, by God’s Grace, WE remained SAFE. ❤️  My middle brother again, in the scene, directed by my Momma was told to get a movie. Specifically, ONE for ME. I can ONLY imagine now, if HE had the thought, “her needs first again.” I pray and hope NOT. Only Heaven knows, for sure. I know I pray, for healing of wounds, that CAME from years of neglect and abuse. I say THAT in respect to MY life, and OTHERS 2. I ask forgiveness b4 God, about these times in LIFE. Because, NOW so much SEEMS lost. The TEARS, starting to FORM. I have to believe HE HAS what is LOST. Because, He is indeed, KING of the LOST and Found. ~~~~~ ❤️ ❤️

 

In Reflection, I am grateful, for the MOVIe. But, OH did THAT FILM, tell a lot that night. YET no one spoke of it. THEN. It was my FAVORITE, at that TIME. It was my SARAH Bear’s favorite. That was her Name here. One of MANY, from endearance and LOVE. I am grateful, for my brother… who stayed with ME, then. I was shaking like a LEAF. I was more frightened, of the FEAR, i saw on my mother’s FACE. The whole EVENT, did not shake me, NEARLY as much, as seeing HER distress. I cannot speak for my brother, on this topic. Nor, will I try. Perhaps, ONE day He will chime IN, In kind. I would welcome THAT. Just emphasis on the KIND, part needed. He has always shown me kindness. Even at TIMES, he did not understand, or had his own stuff going on. My brother’s heart, has always had  love❤️ LOVE for me. In some ways, true of them BOTH. I repent, and ask forgiveness, for NOT believing THAT long ago. ~~~

 

 

 

The song… ‘Once and for ALL’  – (Lauren Diagle) “Help me to LAY it down. Oh Lord, I lay it DOWn. Oh let THIS BE, where I die. My LORD with THEE, crucified. Be lifted HIGH, as MY KINGDOMS Fall. Once and for ALL. Once and for ALL.” This MUSIC — ALL music HAS so MUCH meaning, even MORE than b4. EVERYTHING does. People, places, things, mean A LOT. Let me be VERY clear HERE…they will NEVER mean more, no EVER than JESUS. Yet, thank God for the GRACE to appreciate the GIFTS . “EVERYGOOD and PERFECT GIFT, COMES from ABOVE.”  Yes That is in the LIFE BOOK. Address, not sure yet. But have learned, google is often a friend. 🙂 ~~~ ❤️

 

 

I want my Family, in particular my BRothers, to know. That is they ever had a NEED, no matter how small or BIG…. IF WE, could help, WE would. THAT is a promise. Because, you are SO LOVED. Love love❤️ I know, THAT as a sister, I have Royally MESSED up, A LOT. I truly PRAY that forgiveness will COME, in EVERY degree. LISTEN 2 MY HEART, I so want my FAMILY, NOT RIPPED apart. And, I forgive the HANDS, and mouths that have been, instruments to that MESS. But, please SEE the last paragraph, and crucifixtion of SELF. This is PART of that. Oh Heaven, hear the YELP. ~~~

 

It is LIKE animals, CAUGHT in a SNARE. All the while, often entertaining angels , unaware. That is what happens HERE on earth. This scene, this ACT. I am not the writer, director, of even greatest actor, or showperson. That TITLE is FAR greater than, I am. It belongs to the HOLY Lamb of God. And only HE can set captives FREE. I include myself in THIS too. He sets me FREE daily. And if I do NOT agree, I go RIGHT back into, OLD captivities. In a snap, that can happen to me. It could happen to ANYONE. The ONLY one it cannot happen to, is JESUS. Because Jesus never FELL. ~~~ ❤️

 

 

Back to the SCENE…this LIFE MOVIE. Wow.  As soon as the INVADERS left our HOME, it seemed the next TARGET was the school. It was the HIGHSCHOOL , my mother taught. She taught there for 35 Years. Actually, it would be 36 if you count the prep year, before official. Whoa, that is NEW today. “He makes ALL things NEW.” Indeed. They destroyed the CHOIR room and BAND room. And, they EVEN threw a PIANO, off the Stage in a theater. I believe it was the MAIN theater. They took spray paint and tagged walls, and just brought CHAOS. I do NOT recall if they were drinking, or involved with drugs. But, none of that would shock me. I’m not naming the NAMES of their family, or MINE, because discretion protects. Jesus is the director HERE, not I. Thank GOD for that. Lyrics on – ” Everyone needs compassion…the kindness of a SAVIOR.” (Mighty to Save” – Hillsong United )Yes, EVERYONE deserves Grace, LOVE and kindness. EVERYONE. Even those who TRIED to RUIN everything. THEY deserve it too. ~~~ ❤️

 

 

FADE into the NEXT day. I was exhausted, and trying to just breathe. My mom, trying to act like everything was FINE. Reminds me of another MOVIE. Um, it is called, “THe Prince of Tides.” I will come back to THAT though. The kid, the boy and leader of the pack then, came to see MOMma. She was Sooooooooo ANGRY. Yet, she was a God Fearing woman. She did the BEST she could, in that respect. He asked her, to forgive him. I heard her tell this story. Back then, to probably her BEST friend. My Momma said, ” NO!”  I overheard, and was like, What? You said No????!!!!???? I don’t understand. Yet again, I am told… “Katy, THIS is an ADULT conversation. YOU would NOT understand.” But, I DID understand, MORE than they KNEW. I kept thinking, “does he not deserve mercy?” ~~~

 

 

I was ANGRY, and not being able to BE HEARD. That clouded, a LOT in so many WAYS. But God. She never SAW me, CRY because I was rejected. I ALWAYS felt, I had to FIGHT for every words. Sometimes, from Momma’s mouth there were be a mock. Example, at dinner….I would try to be kind, show respect. And, instead of LOVE I got, ” It is TIME for KAty’s words.” Looking back, I forgive that, because there was, WAY more going on, than I knew ALL about. But, they refused to TELL me. And, THAT made me SHOUT and ROAR. Constant rejection, eventually opened that DOOR, to CUTTING and self HARM. No ones Fault or Blame. It is JUST how it went down. And everything that GOES down, by God’s Grace comes UP again. I pray it COMES up, in a healing WAY, 4 US ALL. ❤️ ~

 

 

WE cannot CHANGE the past. But, I would LOVE a fresh start. Especially with my BROTHERS. In some ways, there is NO Greater, desire of my HEART. In our own WAYS, WE have been RIPPED to SHREDS, TOO MANY times, too count. WE are better together. For some Reason, I rembeer, hearing THAT, as a kid. I watched a group last night, on AGT. It was a SISTEr and her Brother’s in a BAND. And, the most beautiful SONG too. Sadly, the Judges did NOT fully get it. But, Heaven will make ways for those 3. And I am believeing GOD, that HE will do that for ME 2. Because HIS Love does that, NO matter HOW it SEEMS. ~~~~~ ❤️

 

I truly do BELIEVE, that b4 my Momma left this earth, she chose to FORGIVE all THOSe involved that day. And despite attempts to DESTROY….I still officially CHOSE Jesus THAT year. Because not just ONE thing works, for those who LOVE God, but ALL things. The curtain closed, ON my LIFE here, for 5 minutes. But, that Curtain, OPENED UP again. Resurrection HAPPENED. It happens STILL. Every DAY new MIRACLES. Grace. Love. Mercy. Peace. Rest. Completeness. WHOLENESS. THIS is what HE promised THEn, and NOW. ~ But oh WOW, the JOURNEY along the WAY. ~~~ ❤️

 

 

  1. I pray for RESTORATION of OLd friendships, that fell by the wayside. I pray forgiveness BE FOREFRONT, as WE abide under the shadow, of the ALMIGHTY. By His Grace, may we NOT FEAR. By His Grace, may HIS LOVE conquer HERE. Help us, be STILL and KNOW, that you are GOD. Especially when others, think it is ODD. Have your way, mighty KING. We praise YOU. Help us PERSEVERE. Like ain’t always EASY here. Catch every TEAR that falls, and help us get up and RISE in your LOVE. We surrender ALL once and for ALL. ~ In Jesus name and BLOOD. Amen. ~~~~ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

 

 

 

In His Grace,

EGS

 

 

 

 

 

 

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