In my life, very early on, there was a bridge to Jesus. It was called PAIN. I am not saying it was a friend. Nor, am I implying that it was good. But, it DROVE me to HIM. It was a vehicle in my life. When people threw stones, ridiculed me, slandered, lied, and even threatened; it was my path back HOME.

In the arms of the ONE, who LOVES me, is where I belong. But, when life is okay, or seems that way, it is so easy to take GOD for granted. I am almost 40 years old. In that time frame, there has been MANY trials and testings. There have been times, where I truly believed, I was hated by God.

Life did NOT make sense to me. In the experience I had, that meant I was hated. But, things in HIS world, and by HIS LOVE, are very different. It sounds strange to say this. But, now when I feel pain, I smile. I used to cry, and ask God where He was. I was taught to rely on my feelings, which was NOT a safe thing. In the KINGDOM of Heaven, and by it, you rely on His word, and HIS LOVE. You learn, that whether of not, you FEEL it, HIS LOVE is around.

In the most difficult times, I have been challenged to let JESUS alone, BE my faith. I had someone share with me today, something so kind. She said, “I can hear the strength in your voice.” I sure don’t feel strong. I feel so worn, and most often, like I’d love to turn back time. But, I can’t and so, I sit with Jesus. I weep with Him. I hope with Him. To be honest, sometimes, I yell at Him. I ask HIM, what was the purpose, and what IS the purpose.

He reveals. even deeper the LOVE He has for me, and for you. To receive it, takes courage. Because, the world, will keep trying to say it is wrong. It will lie, and say it won’t save you. But, having LIVED through HELL, so many times, I can tell you; it CAN and it WILL Save you. It already has. It simply is just a matter of reception.

The other day, I watched a movie, with the same title as this entry. It was about a book store, that came from a tragedy. It started me wondering, what has come from ours? I’m reminded that the pain, has always led me back to the cross. That place, where I FIRST met Jesus. The place where regrets died, and every good, bad, ugly, or beautiful thing, died too. But, you know what else happened? The GOOD was resurrected there. It IS still.

I repented to God for allowing the pain, to be a problem. Or, allowing it to sway my emotions. For all those, who said they would BE here, leaving us, or me. For allowing the hurt, to comfort me, for SO LONG, instead of Jesus, I apologized. ALL the times, I ran to others, instead of HIS arms, I laid down. All the guilt, that I held onto, like a security blanket, I gave up. Does that mean, I just woke up ALL better?

Well, NO. What it means, is that the process keeps going. Even if WE stop, HIS process of LOVE, Healing, and purpose, continues on. JESUS is the BRIDGE to the Father in Heaven. He is also the reason, that WE can connect to the spirit of God. Day to day, HIS LOVE is a river of LIFE that flows.

In teaching us to just BE in His presence, He shows us the sweetest and most beautiful parts of HIS heart. It is NOT easy. As our flesh gets crucified, it often FEELS just unbearable. BUT, HIS LOVE is the BRIDGE to the healing. HIS LOVE is what gives us the breath, the strength, and the ability to move forward. His LOVE is what brings us NEW LIFE. It is truly the BRIDGE out of the darkness. The bridge, out of nowhere is named JESUS.

I remembered that in 2010, a book came out. My very first one. I did not like the title. Because, quite frankly, I was scared. I was so afraid, that if I obeyed God, only BAD would keep coming. But, what I did not realize, was what looked BAD, only covered the good up. Sometimes, there are things that look SO awful. There could NOT possibly, BE anything positive, that came out of them. But God. In the worst place, HIS LOVE is present.

It is SO easy to look at what was NOT, or will NOT BE. But, in HIS eyes, everything resides. All the things that did NOT Happen here, DO in HIS arms. The world, will see Heaven invade. But, without a desire for HIS plan, they might not notice.

Will you let JESUS be YOUR bridge OUT?

https://www.openbible.info/topics/bridge

I was going to write a post today, about a letter to my Father. But, I turned on the computer, and saw a picture. It had a broken rainbow, with lightening cutting through it. It also had a butterfly angel, above it all. I could not help, but think, “This is my life.” So, redirected, this became.

I knew this month, the post, with this tile would come to be. I remember last month, when the name, was given. When I think about a rainbow, I consider it the most beautiful symbol in all of creation. But you know what else, I have noticed? It fades. It is not something that stays, in the natural, forever.

To the naked eye, a rainbow appears, and disappears. I was always mindful of certain sayings, as a child. Remember this one; “Into each like, a little rain must fall?” Or how bout, “It rains on the just and the unjust?” Someone told me to grow up recently. This individual, or what influenced the person, told me that I was stuck as a child.

I don’t know whether that statement is true. But, what I do know, is right now, on this day, and in this time on earth, I am a broken rainbow. I’m not sure when it started. Honestly, I’m not sure that matters. Nor does, who was involved, to bring me to this place. The place where, because few understand, it is easier to just label me.

You see, when something happens to me now, I wonder. I think, did this happen to Jesus? Some say, He never experienced everything that we do. But, you know what I ponder? If He still is, through us. In life, there have been so many times, that I was called to isolation. Not, called to ignore everyone. But, to sit at the cross.

I was reflecting today. I do that, especially when I am in a tender place. Do you do that? Look back at life, and take stock? There was a time, just recently, where I said to God, “I gave you everything. You have a lot of making up to do.” Let me be clear, I am not trying to tell God what to do. I know, that I probably don’t deserve the restoration. Especially, if you were to ask those, who directly got hurt involving me. They would yell, “crucify.” Many of them do, every day.

But, you know what I have noticed? Even when this happens, and the more it does, and I hurt or lash back; the more Heaven comes. Another saying I heard as a child, “Everything happens for a reason.” Though a true statement, it does not discuss, that the reason is to break us.

To my mother and earthly father, I thank them. I know, there have been days, I wanted never to be born. Particularly days, where the pain, was so intense, that I could barely breath, and I wanted an ending. I did not even care if it was happy. I just wanted one.

Behind closed doors, resides many broken rainbows. Not just the obviously broken, like homeless or beaten. But, the ones who have given ALL, just to fall again. I was watching the movie previously mentioned. There is a part, where the son says, “This is the day you killed your son.” He says this to his earthly dad. I thought about a parallel in my life. I remember the day, where one of my parents, said my name and told me, I needed a lot of love. A part of me died that day.

I was a teenager, and I felt like I was doomed. The way it was said, made me feel like I was too much trouble to love. That, no one, no matter what it looked like, would ever truly love me. Also, that this person, who was supposed to LOVE me, unconditionally, could not do it. I’m not sure I have ever fully recovered, from it.

I became determined, that I was gonna find me some LOVE. If my parents could not give it, I was going to find it somewhere. So, I started looking for it. But, little did I know, what would come. I remember at 17, I gave up the most precious part of me. I did so willing, and because I was afraid. People had talked to me about waiting for marriage. But, I so desperately, wanted to be loved. I confused LOVE, with physical intimacy.

Time, after time, I would believe, to be loved, I had to be physically intimate. But, then I would feel so awful later. Even when I got married, and it was okay to be that way, to make love; it was not real. I have talked about my marriage before. But, suffice it to say, some of the most broken people, were able to LOVE the most. Meaning, JESUS moved through them, even though he did not dwell there.

I don’t remember the name of everyone I was intimate with. All old soul ties, have been broken away from them all. I hope and pray that each of them, has or will have, a beautiful life. I never knew that I was prostituting, myself for love. These I was with, these guys, they loved me, most of them. But, just like I was told, “I needed a lot of love.” No one could fulfill it.

To this day, no one can. No one, but Jesus. He is the promise. He in the unbroken rainbow. Because, His Love, is what brings the colors, and causes them to be, so bright. I read a post recently. It was a in a group on FB. It was very simple. It asked a question. “Have you seen Jesus?” So, I ask a similar question. Have you EVER seen or been a broken rainbow?

Have you, in your place, where ONLY you can go, and ONLY God can find you, noticed the hurting? I am pretty sure, everyone, will answer, yes. Even unbelievers will answer yes. I don’t always believe. I am going to be real about it. My faith gets VERY tested. There are times, I have screamed, or wept before God, asking Him, why I am hated. It is very tough, to always receive LOVE. Especially LOVE from GOD…

Why? Because, receiving the LOVE of God, requires A LOT. It is easier, to just reject it. But, I am also beginning to SEE, that even if I try to do that, I cannot. Can you? Is it easy for you to walk away, and reject the LOVE? Because, we are rejecting the RESTORED rainbow.

A dear sister told me recently, that a few prayers were finally answered. Some, had been kind of in utero, for over 20 years. I thought, “Sure, He answers your prayers. And, He answers mine, for others. But, I will not get happy. That is not in the cards for me. ” Now, some would say, “That is a lie. ” Maybe it is, and maybe not. I don’t think that is the point. Perhaps, the point is, that I was conditioned to truly believe this. So, I lived it.

In every area of my life, I would always wonder, “How long will this last?” Because, I just got a taste of the good. I don’t live in a fantasy world. I live in His world. And, doing so, is NOT always roses without thorns. But, it is what must be. Someday, I hope to truly 100% believe that the Good, does not have to go away. Until then, I’m here….waiting.

In His Grace,

Elea

When I was called to write today, I truly didn’t have anything to say. Because, right now, everything sounds like complaints. But, then 2 songs came to mind.

The first one…is this

Ignoring the whole one world senario here, the point is pretty clear. This individual, is VERY aware, of the lack of LOVE on the earth. You know the song right? It was a HUGE  hit for Black eyed, peas, years ago.

The second song… has the same title as this entry…

It came from a movie called Grace Unplugged.