Running on FUMES

10400807_720790831348534_8935288358317501443_n 10502079_720790414681909_4910546880540562579_n 11102711_10202689118788362_5332547215687762343_nMy whole life, I have been barely making it. Even though, it looked one way on the outside, the inside was a mess. Until, WE were given Sarah, I did not remotely comprehend the LOVE of God. Specifically, the LOVE of JESUS and how it HEALS us.

I’m always REAL, and I know now it was not, and will NEVER be about ME. But, it IS about HIS LOVE for ME and for YOU. That is great news. I really was not sure, where God was going to take this entry. He told me, keep sharing, open your heart, and I will bring HEaven to your doorstep.

So, here is a story from years ago. If I had told it in 2012, I would have not wept while typing. I stand not in grief, but relying on HIS strength to transform for HIS purpose. I was reminded again, that it is time to move forward BY His LOVE. Okay, the story goes like this:

In 2005, I was dating a young man. Our relationship was ANYTHING but EASY. Yet, God was present. At this time, I was also pregnant with Sarah. My now, husband at that time, agreed to a trip on the Oregon coast. I worked for a time share company, and got a good deal. I had gone before, by myself, so I knew the way. When I say, by myself, it means just me and God. 😉 I warned my “boyfriend” that there was only 1 gas station for like 200 miles. I told him, if he needed gas, he should GET it. He, of course ignored me. Back then, he was influenced by arrogance, and he just did not like the brand of gas suggested.

SO, the night went on. I fell asleep, because I was VERY pregnant. He woke me around 1:15 or so. He was kind of panicked. He said, “I have been staring at the empty light, and really, WE are running on fumes. I had to wake you. I don’t know what to do.” I calmly said, “Well, let’s pray. God knows I am pregnant. He is NOT going to let us get stranded here. So, I prayed. I thanked God. I even called the police for help, but they offered NO assistance. You know why? Because, at that time, GOD did not need their help.

The more miles we drove, the more panicked he seemed to be. But, eventually, something BROKE off. If I had panicked, then everything would have been more of a MESS. We turned the hazards on, and we pulled over to the side. Someone came to help us. They had a job similar to my husband’s and mine. I believe God sent angels to assist us. They were used to carry us, all the way to the next gas station. It was 50 miles at least. We offered them a financial blessing for helping, but they did not accept it. Either way, GOD covered us.

This may look like a SMALL miracle. But, to us, it was a HUG and KISS from JESUS. He was loving us from a distance, because back then we were still “disconnected” from HIM. God knew what we needed. He knew our hearts, and even running on fumes, HE carried us.

This morning, when I woke, it was um tumultuous to say the least. I woke coughing and gasping for air, and again, remaining calm. Thankfully, my husband heard me, and came bringing me water. I thank GOD for HIS saving grace indeed. When I woke again, I heard these words. “You were running on fumes of the past, now it is time to let ME FUEL your future. ”

I began to think of the holy spirit and weep. To me, since my mother went to Heaven, when I was young, I see it differently. GOD is a family. He adopts us into HIS family, and the holy spirit is a nurturer, it is how I can nurture. Through the “MOM and DAD.” I believe God gave me the wisdom to see it this way. Because, it has been tremendously helpful in the healing process.

I have no earthly parents living here anymore. But, I DO have the FAMILY of God. So, when I LONG for reunion, or to be able to work with my earthly family, when my heart aches, I can smile and thank GOD for healing. I might smile through TEARS, but I will still smile.

My mom was not perfect, but she did LOVE the LORD Jesus. My dad, also LOVED the LORD. I am grateful, that despite the evils, that plagued us, I got to hear about GOD. Little by little, I began searching to connect to HIM. I think, in some respects, I tried almost every wrong way possible. In others, I tried what I was shown. I saw some fruit, as a child, but most of it was bruised and beaten. Some, was downright rotten. I just did not know what I was SEARCHING FOR.

I want to say, that I, in no way justify anything bad that I participated in. I believe JESUS has wiped it away. SO much so, it is tough to remember. Thank GOD. But, having said that, every step taken to get to this place, was done so under the watchful eyes of JESUS. Because, even though WE got disconnected for a while, HE never lost HOPE in me.

Sometimes, when I am wondering if I am doing and being something that pleases God, I receive a sign that He is happy. Not, just happy, but pleased and pouring out HIS LOVE. As I was writing today, I was overwhelmed with HIS LOVE. I just began weeping. I was listening to music, and the song butterfly came on.  He spoke to me, and said something very simple. I heard, “She is NOT the ONLY butterfly. It is time to FLY.”

I had a vision of many TREES. They were all brand NEW. They were filled with luscious fruits. It was like NOTHING I had EVER seen before. Around each tree, there were circles of butterflies taking flight. They were ALL different colors.

Like a TREE planted by the water….This was what I heard. I was led to Jeremiah 17: 8 which is VERY significant. I copied the link for the whole chapter. But, what really jumped out at me is how GOD is sustaining HIS FAITHFUL ONES. He is the VICTORY, HIS LOVE is the NEW BEGINNING.

Perhaps, THIS vision is how God sees us. How HE sees JESUS in us especially. It is The Heavenly Father’s child who LIVES and THRIVES in US. It is because of HIS incredible sacrifice that WE can live and be called Children of God. When we start to focus on the fruits of JESUS, we begin to see them appear in our lives, and those WE pray for.

I believe, God is revealing that even when we thought WE were running on fumes, the HEAVENLY FATHER, our brother/and HIS son JESUS, and the HOLY SPIRIT as well as ALL of HEAVEN were behind us, gently carrying us. Glory, that WE can be carried ALL the way HOME.

For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters that spreads out its roots by the river; and it shall not see and fear when heat comes; but its leaf shall be green. It shall not be anxious and full of care in the year of drought, nor shall it cease yielding fruit.

In His Grace and Glory,

E and FAM



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