Who is Sarah in me???

Posted: 29. 01. 2015 | Author: Ellie Sharpe | Category: Inspirational

When WE get words, ideas, or insights, it is important to ask for when He wants them shared. SOmetimes, it is critical, because there are times when He wants to give us a personal one. It may NOT be meant for everyone else, and it is a special gift just from God. Our family that blogs has random titles come to us. Some are for books, movies, or simply titles of an entry. A family that prays together, definitely stay together. A family that blogs together, stays out of the SMOG together. 😉

I believe it was yesterday, that the LORD started speaking to me about this topic. I was reflecting on the story of Sarah and Abraham. Now, THIS is a story I love. As a kid, I thought I understood it. But, NOW there is a whole new level of understanding. Sarah and Abraham had a deep desire. Their desire was for children yes, but they also desired to please GOD. Abraham, just wanted to exist to please HIM, and did. Sarah was worn a bit, by the world. But, she did LOVE Him. There is no doubt about that.

Sarah was given so many promises. Even before she married Abraham, she was promised that the LORD would do much in her and through her. She was used to seeing things happen in front of her. She was not used to just accepting it, from the perspective of TRUST in God.

http://christianity.about.com/od/oldtestamentpeople/a/Sarah.htm

This is a profile of her from scripture.

http://christianity.about.com/od/oldtestamentpeople/p/abraham.htm

Here is one of Abraham.

It is interesting to me, how much they compliment each other. Such Heavenly orchestration taking place, because HE loves so deeply for us all.

Now, I bring up this SARAH to also speak about our Sarah. She lived up to her name. This kid shined FaITH. She lived faith in a way that was like SARAH and ABRAHAM infused. It was and still IS inspiring to us.

So who is Sarah in me? Well, Sarah our daughter, in me, is the one who just loves to have fun. But, also, the greatest fun and JOY that can be acquired is through JESUS.  She knew that, and she would tell everyone she knew. So, I am learning to do that too. His command is, “GO and tell the world, what you know.” It is an honor and a gift to do this through HIM. In Heaven our daughter Sarah, is called Sar AH. I really adore that. God sees her as a breath of fresh air. It is beautiful to see things through her eyes. But, I admit it is often a challenge too.

Sarah from scripture in me, is the one that has been taught to want proof of something. IT is the battle that wages within. Faith v/s proof. But, when WE have full and immovable and unstoppable faith, then when the enemy demands proof, WE can REST. Knowing that in time our GOD will provide everything that is needed, and HE alone is our vindicator. I would love to say that the taunting, teasing, and name calling stops, but it does not. Persecution, strange as it seems, is also a gift from God. It let’s us know HE is moving, and that WE are still on the right path.

When I got married, I was given the gift and responsibility of being the head of the house. Now, let me explain this part, because I did not want it. My husband David, was practically an atheist when we first got together. Deep within, HE was very against things of God. This was because HE was exposed to GOD in a pretty harsh way. He was brought up, pretty brow beaten by Christianity. So, because I was in a different place, and knew how to lead, I was a “temporary head.” I am glad I got to have that chance. Because, what I learned was, It is a HaRD job. It is impossible without GOD.

For years into the marriage, I kept trying to push my husband to step up and out. He took baby steps, and it was a HArD time. I cried out to GOD every single moment. His work was HIS God, and HE would indirectly bring HELL into our home. So, one day I sat down with him and explained, He had to be ALL in, or ALL out. It was around 2 years into our marriage. WE had to make this decision together. But, HE had to choose to agree with GOD, by faith. He began to see more of ABraham. I asked D one day, when he became a believer. He said, hard to say. He did say, if He had to pinpoint a time of change, he would say, when we married. I believe THAT is significant.

Because God gave us the GRacE to walk through this process, I have a great respect for the headship position. Unknowing to me, my husband was used to pray me through the challenges. I am going to be really REAL and RAW about something. For years, I loved my husband, but I was NOT in LOVE with him. I struggled with that, because I knew, somehow it was also related to how I was with God. It was NOT until our faith and endurance, as well as loyalty to GOd, was tested, that I and WE began to see just how much LOVE had been sown. It overrode any of the dischord. We both chose HIM and HIS ways, by faith then, and do so now united.

Once, WE took any focus off of us, and put it on JESUS and what HE wanted, WE started to see a BIG change. Now, mind you, this did not completely happen overnight. However, it did and does happen. My husband knows how to be quiet. Thank GOd for that, because when we married, I hated quiet. I was terrified of it. When Sarah Beth was little, I was so taunted about what could happen, that I battled accepting what GOD wanted to be, by FAITH. Because for a while we were unequally yoked, it was a constant surrender process. Even with us being equally yoked, surrender is still the BEST gift we can give to HIM. In our lives WE surrender everything and everyone daily.

In the process of ALL these changes, my husband and I learned so much. We have been given schools of knowledge and wisdom through our time together. Life is surreal, it is most days like a dream for us. Some ask if it is a nightmare. Very rarely do WE endure the nightmare stage any longer, because JESUS has taught us to WAR through REST. There is a time for everything. Looking back on our past, is fascinating, because it is such a whirlwind, tornado, earthquake, and every other disaster rolled into one. Yet, the rainbows stand and WE look forward to the promises as WE dance in the storms. We thank GOD for the gifts a plenty all around us. Not one day passes, where WE don’t appreciate what was, is and will be.

http://www.openbible.info/topics/child_of_god

Through the STORMS, His faithfulness rains. That is the title of our daughter Ruby’s book. It is fitting to think about Sarah and Abraham. How they began, what they endured. Who is Sarah to you? Who is Abraham? I encourage you to seek the LORD, while HE can be found. Oh how HE LOVES us, and HE is faithful indeed.

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22 days ago, I was led to write this entry prior. I need to be upfront and tell you, it was not an easy entry, and I knew it was unfinished. I prayed asking God when to finish it. I just kept waiting for HIS peace to rise up. But, every corner I was turning seemed to hold chaos, and craziness. Not to mention darkness, and deep discouragement. I would have people tell me how depressed I was. But, the truth is it was NOT depression.

What it was, was like a trip. Every dream would be darker and more complicated than the one before. For those who know about warfare, it was THAT and then some. But, last night my husband, being used and led by Jesus spoke something to me. He said, “Perhaps the point of all of this is to teach you that, even if you don’t feel the peace in the midst of the darkness, it is there. To show you how to be content in the chaos. ”

I am not sure where Jesus ended, and where David began. But, hearing the kindness in the words, really was healing to my soul. In scripture it speaks about nectar of the lips.( Proverbs 16:24 ) Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body. I had never had THIS experience in THIS way, with my spouse. Though, I have with Jesus, one on one before. Women, it takes courage to heal. Men, it takes courage to heal. THAT courage can ONLY come from JESUS. It is a gift that we are given, when we agree to do things GOd’s way. The next proverb after this one, speaks of a man’s ways. How, the ways of man lead to death. BUt, the ways of God lead to eternal life. There is a way that seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death. (Proverbs 16:25)

Something happened, when KINDNESS fell upon my spouse. I had experienced MANY times of darkness with him. But, NEVER had I been so showered by the SON in my spouse. It was like all of the sudden, the clouds parted and all I could see was the SON. Perhaps we need to have those times to draw into Jesus. Maybe it is even a good reminder that it takes a voyage through Hell to get to Heaven. Jesus did not escape this, nor shall we. Because of this ONE moment in time, I was able finally to SEE the fruit of the labor of almost 9 years. Constantly, praying for and with each other, and seeking GOD to remove the pain, was suddenly worth it. But, what WE did not understand was that PAIN is something that must be worked through.

It is the greatest TRAP that there is. PAIN, is a catalyst and a close kin to DEATH. Remember surrendered anything can be made beautiful by the LOVE of GOd. BUt, unsurrendered, and worshipped, PAIN only brings the enemy gain. I say this to share something more. I spoke about Sarah our daughter, and I did not speak about Sarah my mother.

I had a very interesting relationship with my mother. IT was almost as if we were part of each other. According to science, we very much were. I wanted and craved mom’s approval, attention, support and anything she could give me. I looked to my mom as God, in a sense, because I lived in such fear of everything. The reason why is, because it was what I knew. SO, when GOD at an early age began introducing me to faith, it was foreign to me. Yet, IT was like a piece of me that was missing.

So, when my mom went home to Heaven in 2000, I died with her. The child I was, the pain I had buried, died with her. But, God kept me here. I did NOT know why. I did NOT want to be here on earth. In fact, the pain cut so deep, that I was promiscuous, I cut myself, I lived in a prison of PAIN. I indirectly, while preaching GOD served the devil. Why? Because that darkness had become a comfort to me. I was trapped, and yet felt found. But, my heart and my feelings were so mixed up. The only thing I knew that was REAL is that somehow GOd would use every ounce of hurt, pain, and gut wrenching agony for a purpose. I always knew, even in the darkness that Jesus was my saving light.

I lived, in a sense in my mother’s shadow. Much like a preacher’s child, I was a teacher’s child. Everyone knew and knows my family. Especially, in my home town, we were well known, and had an image to uphold. I don’t believe it was a conscious choice, it was more a subconscious training, about not airing dirty laundry. I was the kid, who at a very young age would get consumed by sadness. But, the sadness was never my own. Even when things happened to me, it really was never about me. Yet, everywhere I turned, I was told I was selfish. I kept trying to make everyone happy. I wanted everyone to just get along. My mother did everything she could to be a good mom to me. I needed a lot of LOVE, and I did not understand that ONLY God could give it to me.

In some ways I have become Sarah’s daughter. I have her wit at times, and her smile. I see my body going through changes I recall with her. My mom gave me everything she had, and then there was nothing left. I am grateful for her sacrifices, and I feel sad for what was lost, and at times what has been left behind. But, I do believe that giving these thoughts, feelings, and even memories over to God is a gift to HIM. He wants ALL of us. I have such a strong desire for all of my family to really KNOW God. Not just as a name, or a word, but as a REAL live gift and treasure. I tried for years to carry on what mom started in the family. For years I felt I had failed. As I watched pain after pain come and go, I would question GOd asking why is this happening? I would say, “You promised SO much more.”

What I would hear is this, “MY GRACE is sufficient and my power is made perfect in your weakness.” So, I gift all of it, once again back over to the cross. I give freely all of my relatives, friends, and enemies to HIM. Because, it is no longer a burden I can bear. I choose THIS day to be Sarah’s daughter, and Vernon’s daughter, but also to know that they are not my only parents. That before I look to them, or anyone else for guidance, I must seek the FACE of my KING. I must seek the hand of GOD to hold me, when I can’t feel it, but when I know it.

There is a time and season for everything. Each day, the past must die, but what was GOOD must live. What is GOD must thrive. There is a balm in gilead, and HIS name is JESUS. Who is Sarah to me? Who is Sarah in me? I hope that it is the part of me that clings to FAITH. The part of me that even when I am lying there dying, knows there is a purpose and a plan far beyond me. That somehow and someway, healing will not just trickle, but will FLOW as HIS Love envelops the ashes, and transforms them into something that is of HEAVEN and NOT Hell anymore.

I bring this to you LORD, and I thank you for ALWAYS being exactly what I need, when I need it, and ALWAYS believing in me, even when I cannot connect on this earth. I thank you JESUS, for always keeping your word and promises. You might not always be obvious to others, but I can safely say it has BECOME and IS becoming obvious to me. I give you my heart, my soul, my life. I thank you for giving me life. In Jesus Holy name. Amen

In His Grace and Glory,

E and Fam