On December 23, 2013 OUR world stopped turning. It seemed like ALL the lights went out. THERE was ONLY darkness, yet NEW Glorious LIGHT appeared. It did not stop turning forever. I thought about the Crucifixion of Christ. When JESUS was nailed to the cross, HE took on HELL and won. Think about this for a moment. GOD the FATHER, JESUS HIS son and even the holy spirit were there on the cross. Let me explain. What happens in the natural, happens in the spirit first. So, in this case in the spirit the Heavenly Father and Holy Spirit were present. Jesus, in the spirit and natural, was crucified. Our daughter had a similar experience.

http://www.openbible.info/topics/the_world_ending

She adores CHRIST. I mean, truly, HE is her brother. Even while present naturally with us, she would just look to JESUS. I told her one day, “You can ask the Father too or the holy spirit.” But, she just kept clinging to Jesus. I know she loves the FATHER, and also the holy spirit. She just kept coming back to JESUS. It was and IS such a beautiful example. For years, I had asked the Heavenly Father to reconnect me to Jesus. somewhere along the way, there was a disconnect. I can actually share when it was. I was 7 1/2 years old.

Isn’t that interesting that our daughter went home to Heaven, at the exact same age I was? That has yet to escape me. Guess how I got disconnected? I was in the bathtub and there was a razor on the tub. For whatever reason, and obviously influenced by evil, I picked it up and cut my tongue. I was so ashamed. I immediately felt guilty, told my mom and didn’t think about it again. Then at 14 1/2 I cut again. Why did I cut? Well, there was definitely evil influences. But, it REALLY goes way deeper.

I had been called to the prophetic. I could always see and sense things that most thought ODD or downright crazy. It was tough as a child. I always felt like I was going insane. In fact, many, added to that. But, they were just enemy puppets. Many still are. 🙁 I just LOVE, even from a distance. I forgive, because I am called to, and it honors God. I now understand what drove me to wanting to hurt myself. Even more, the forgiveness from God for my repenting has been a gift, and also freedom from those evils.

It is so hard, at times to tell the story. Especially, as more elaborate details get revealed. My life is not my own. My story is not just mine. Me and JESUS are intertwined. I believe we always have been, it is just WAY more obvious now. I am so grateful God loved and LOVES us enough to trust us with His angel. I mean, she was used by HIM, to reconnect a disconnect WE had. We knew about Jesus, loved HIM even, but could never quite receive fully the LOVE of GOD. It took until Sarah Elizabeth was born, for me to really DIG deep into GOD. I realized I had a responsibility as a parent. Both my husband and I came to this realization. COvered in the Grace Of God, we exist.

I cannot say enough how grateful I am for the lessons. EVen the HARD excruciating lessons, have purpose. God truly does use what was meant to devestate and destory to rebuild and resurrect. That should have been devastate and destroy. But, destory is interesting, because de means to take away. So, the enemy wants to kill our story. But, He cannot when we are in CHRIST. It is IMPOSSIBLE for the enemy. I will give the enemy no glory in our lives. Absolutely ALL GLORY goes to GOD alone.

Beth Moore has an Esther study. I was doing it when Butterfly went into the hospital. Anyway, in it she says, “think about the worst thing that could happen to you. Your greatest fear. What if ________________________________________________________ happened?” Then she tells everyone, “Then GOD.” I remember wanting to throw my book across the room. It was around that time that my spirit began to be awakened to what was to come.

I am only sharing a potion of the story. IT is a VERY LONG one. Our daughter was used to do a lot in 8 years. So were we, by God’s Grace. I am thankful, more than anything. I have NO REGRETS and if asked, would endure it again, but I believe God won’t take us down that path. He is a merciful God. Nonetheless, HE is faithful.

In His Grace,

E and Fam

I very rarely, if ever post 2 posts in a week. In fact, I cannot EVER recall a time where I was led to post a blog back to back. But, TIMES they ARE a changing indeed. Yesterday, WE went as a family out to run errands. Let’s just talk about how THAT went for a second. All I can do is laugh, NOW. But, yesterday the laughter was not at all consistent. It did, by God’s grace, come and go.

We started to leave, and the car was dead. I mean, dead as a doornail dead. Even, before, there was tension. I was really tired, and pushing through. Knowing I had a certain amount of energy to give. David started a project, and I was frustrated. Because, it took like an hour more than I expected. I was letting it go, and he came in the room because of something I had said.

It became a “heightened spiritual discussion.” Anyway, GOD cut it off, but, afterwards, when the car was stalled, it was tough not to be frustrated again. It was even MORE surrender. So, we waited, and prayed, and waited and prayed. Then, about an hour later, a RED truck drove in the house behind us. My husband was borderline angry, because he kept asking for help, and no one would help. So, the LORD led me to ask someone. I asked the man with the red truck. They helped us. We shared some of our testimony with them. God moved, and resurrected the truck…again. Not to mention resurrecting us.

We knew we were going into VERY dark territory. In fact, WE don’t often go to where HE sent us. WE went to a mall. There is obvious dark territory, like what some call “the hood.” I don’t say that because of any race, color, size, shape, or anything else. In fact, actually, that name came from a short cut of neighborhood. But, the malls have become a lot like just that. They are filled with people, influenced by such nastiness. But, sometimes in the midst of it all, there are lights. We got to participate in Jesus using us to light the dark. Plus, we got the bonus of seeing a few a long the way. 😉

We were led, as a family, to get names from the angel tree in a local mall. Our daughter got a boy around age 10, and we got a girl around age 8. Yesterday, after several tough days, WE all went out to get the presents. We got a few items that we were led to, and prayed a blessing over them. We dropped off the items, and as we did, were led to share some of our story/testimony. The LOVE of GOD brings compassion. Sarah Elizabeth’s life was nothing but LOVE.

We ask for prayer for a lady’s mom we met. I believe her name is Brenda, and she is battling that evil cancer demon. What was amazing to us, was how empty the mall was. The parking lot was not full like it used to be. I thought to myself, online shopping. People don’t want to meet with people like they did. Because, people are so wounded. We often hide behind computer screens, cell phones, and other electronic devices.

But, even though these things have come in as distractions, they have also been turned into beautiful gifts for many. GOd has used these for much restoration and deep healing. But, the tough part about God’s plan is that it is on HIS terms. When curses are affirmed to be broken. Purging of unholiness must happen. Are you letting GOD trim the fat? I don’t necessarily mean physical, but when the spiritual goes, the physical follows.

Today is the 23rd. At 1:15am this morning we celebrated 1 year of our daughter’s Heavenaversary. I remember when God led us to celebrate. WE are NOT celebrating DEATH, we are celebrating NEW LIFE. We are celebrating that death of this world does NOT stop true LOVE. It stirs it up!!!! Hallelujah for that! Who doesn’t need more of LOVE? Who does not need more of HEAVEN? I mean, it’s a no brainer. I want HEAVEN. I want everything that entails. Because it is MY HOME.

When WE ask for HEAVEN, we must then LAY down everything that we could ever imagine it is. GOD is a REAL DEAL GOD. Heaven does not compete. HELL does not stop competing. I just want to close with saying, WE are glad for Heaven. WE LOVE experiencing it. BUt, we at times miss what was, and thank GOD for the GRACE to have reflection through HIS holy mirror.

In His Grace and Glory,

E and Fam 

When this journey began to get more intense, someone mentioned to us, “It will come in waves.” Immediately, we began to wonder what that meant. It never fails that when I sit down to write about what was, the way our angel graced us, it is not an easy task. I do not just wake up feeling great, and rearing to go. In fact, I always awaken prepared, yet truly feeling more like a freight train hit me.

It is unreal to me that in a little over 15 hours, it will be one year since Sarah Elizabeth went home. I try not to dwell on this. In fact, most days, believe it or not, it is NOT at the forefront of my mind, and our minds. I used to feel bad about that. But, I understand now, that no one who leaves the earth wants those temporarily left behind to hurt and be in anguish over what was.

The title for this entry came to me early this morning. I began to reflect on the TRUE intimacy of God. Did you know, or were you aware that GOD wants to be part of everything we do and are? I thought of this scripture in Revelations.

Revelation 3:20Amplified Bible (AMP)

²⁰ Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears and listens to and heeds My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will eat with him, and he [will eat] with Me.

I had said to my husband, “We forgot to invite HIM in.” My husband then said, “You just did.” It is THAT simple. God does not need grand gestures. At least NOT the one that WE serve. Because, what He truly desires is holiness. He truly desires a pure place where HE can REST and REsidE.

Let’s look at what the word says about GLORY. It has a lot to say, and later specific scriptures will be posted for further research. What jumps out to me is HE takes us from GLORY to GLORY to GLORY. It says this so clearly. The definition of Glory is interesting.

It states that Glory is praise and honor. I am giving the simple definition. But that means the LORD takes us from worship, praise, honor, and so much more to each new phase in our life. When we dwell on what was, we receive the past. But, when we walk forward into and embrace what is, we receive HIS presents and presence.

When I was a child, I thought like a child. This scripture also spoke to me. In Corinthians Paul is explaining the best way. He is explaining the GIFT as well as the weapon of LOVE. He is, for all intensive purpose warning them and US to stay focused. It is a time where we cannot be moved by the appearing glitz and the glamour of the world we live in.

Do we always like the way the NEW feels? Well, honestly NO. In fact, sometimes we look at God and say, “Can’t you just turn back time?” Sometimes He gives us what we request. If only to show us that it is not the best way. There was a time, years ago where someone said to me, “Remember, God will often give you what you think you want, to show you that you did not really want just that. ”

I really believe that Jesus was speaking in that wisdom. As humans we tend to settle. You know, with what looks like the perfect family for example. We just want the surface to be clean and pretty. So that onlookers do not see the truth. But, WE are being called to go deeper. To clean deeper, to hurt deeper, to cry harder, and to endure through Christ.

When I was a child I thought Glory meant something good. That’s it. I thought maybe a reward of some sort. In a sense that was true, but the GLORY of God is so much more than that. The GLORY of GOD is feeling and experiencing down to your very breath, the nails, the beating, the excruciating HELL of the crucifixion of Christ.  So, the question is, “Are you ready?”

As a child, a very young child, I was a cheer leader. I never took that into high school, but at around age 9 I cheered. I remember one of my favorite cheers began with “ARE YOU READY?” I believe this is a question God is asking us today. Are the lamps full? Are we prepared in our spirit for what is going to arrive?

Are you willing to be FREED from the world’s hell and FILLED with Heaven’s JOY? Before you say yes, really let God search your heart. He wants to bring us the GOLD at the end of the rainbow. BUt, to truly receive it, we have to be OPEN to what HE desires alone. It can be a very tough road, this narrow way. But, there is no other destination that offers what the GLORY road does.

Just For Today For Bereaved Parents
by Vicki Tushingham
Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours and not expect to get over my child’s death, but instead learn to live with it, just one day at a time.
Just for today I will remember my child’s life, not just her death, and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days and moments we shared.
Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends who didn’t help or comfort me the way I needed them to. They truly did not know how.
Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside,
for maybe if I smile a little, my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.
Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child,
for they are hurting too, and perhaps we can help each other.
Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt, for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world I could of done to save my child from death, I would of done it.
Just for today I will honor my child’s memory by doing something with another child because I know that would make my own child proud.
Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship to another bereaved parent
for I do know how they feel.
Just for today when my heart feels like breaking, I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving and the only reason I hurt is because I had the privilege of loving so much
Just for today I will not compare myself with others. I am fortunate to be who I am and have had my child for as long as I did.
Just for today I will allow myself to be happy, for I know that I am not deserting her by living on.
Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did,
my life did go on, and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.

This was posted recently in one of the groups I am in. It speaks so many volumes. I hope this helps someone. Because even though it is specific to a child leaving this earth, it really can pertain to any deep loss. ~

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/glory

Another song came into my spirit today. It is such a great way to describe how GOD LOVES so passionately and deeply. Such a beautiful depiction of the RAW, REAL, and RELATIONAL God we serve.

“The Real Me”

By: Natalie Grant

How many of you can say you LOVE every inch of who God created you to be? It is a struggle for me personally. I have to look in the mirror, and consciously say thank you to GOD for what is staring back at me. For healing every muscle, joint, and cell. For transforming HELL to Heaven. For giving us the unexpected, and for teaching us JOY through very deep sorrow.

One of our children said to me recently, “You have JOY within you, because you have Jesus in you.” I’m not certain if she understood the wisdom in that statement. But, the fact is, even when it feels the JOY has been kidnapped, there is always a residue. IT is NOT always something we can taste, touch, feel or even embrace, but it is present.

Every child God has given us, has made a covenant of FAITH. A promise to GOD that no matter what happens, “FAITH will be the choice made.” That means that no matter what circumstance arises in each life or our lives as a family, the choice will be made to by FAITH surrender to God the Father, son, and holy spirit.

How do we go from GLORY to GLORY to GLORY? I always thought it was about each level. But, focusing on that can often be a distraction. I was playing a game recently. IT is one we love to play as a family. There is one portion that has clouds we have to jump. I personally am not great at this one. But, I am getting better. 😉 Last night while playing, I thought about Heaven. How when we take the hand of JESUS, we jump, and often FLY through the clouds and storms.

He takes us from GLORY to GLORY to GLORY….

The waves can feel refreshing, crushing, and exhilarating at times. They can be consuming at times as well. They can be HEAVEN and at times can be HELL. But, they must come. It ALL must come….because eventually it ALL must go. LIFE is a vapor. We are here but for a moment. It takes what it takes for HIS GLORY to shine. For some it takes what looks like a LONG time, and for others a much shorter one.

A dear sister gave me some GREAT and much needed wisdom recently. She said, “It is KEY to choose Christ over feelings.” It is the KEY to HIS GLORY door. When we choose to release how we feel to HIM, before the throne, He comes. It is the greatest reminder of NOT being alone.

What’s at the END of the RAINBOW?

Do you want the rainbows? Are you willing to give up? It’s gotten a negative rap. But, surrender is the treasure on His map. Is it fun? Well, no and at times it hurts like HELL. But, Heaven has to come. He’s not honored by tradition, unless Holiness is present. Is your heart unbroken before Him? Because sometimes what looks dead lives. Sometimes, it’s just breath that He gives. Packages can be small or large. Emotions good or dangersome. As this chapter closes, others will open. But, I cannot lie. It’s hard to say goodbye. Even in knowing the truth. Being comforted we are. Watching evil, we do. Knowing that somehow someway, it will change someday. Are you willing to cry tears of fire? Are you ready for pure desires? Soon the world will crack. For some, it will feel like a slap in the face. Those who’ve refused to repent, the torment will come. For some it’s already arrived. Is He a God of love? Yes, but love comes in many shapes and sizes. Forgive us for places we falter. Even when it’s hard to believe. We lie down on your holy altar, and receive. We receive ALL you want to give. No matter how it feels. Your hope is real. Your Love is here. You require everything. 100 %. We surrender ALL and renew the covenant.

it’s a picture of a girl, also VERY prophetic, realizing she’s bigger and stronger than she ever thought possible. By the grace and GLORY of GOD. 

These pictures tell a story. The first one is in part, because of a vision that we were told about, regarding the waiting room of Heaven, and JESUS giving our daughter Sarah the most beautiful Ruby Red slippers. The second is a simple reminder. It is Finished. The 3rd is that the BRIDE is a warrior.

EMBRACE the WAVES….He wants to SATURATE you in HIS GLORY. It is messy, it is difficult and it is BEAUTIFUL.

In His Grace and GLORY,

E and Fam

This morning when I woke, I really sensed God with me. I know HE is close to the broken hearted. But, THIS was different. Ever since our baby girl went home, there has been a different connection to Heaven. Around 11 something, when I woke, I heard “The time of testing and trying is over for my faithful ones, and soon they shall reap the rewards.” Now, when God says soon, it could take a while to us usually. But, not this time. Not for HIS obedient COGS.

For those who do NOT know God, and refuse to try, you’re about to know HIM whether you like it or not. It is absolutely going to terrify you, and it will, no doubt be the last chance for some of you, to turn to HIM. God has watched, wept, and worked around the rebellious. But, NO LONGER will what was allowed go seemingly unnoticed.

I saw a vision today. It was the hand of God. It was awakening HIS “hidden warriors.” What that means is, the devil is about to PAY. People should not take vengeance, but believe me GOD will. The FEAR of the LORD will be restored. It will be restored NO matter what it takes. He will not sit idly by, while people laugh and make fun of people being brutally murdered. There is much that will come to light.

People will have to choose. Which GOD do you serve? Because, there can be absolutely NO FEAR in what is left behind that is of GOD. Not, in this season. So, I pray that the Heavenly Father, Lord and brother Jesus, and the Holy Spirit fill the children of GOD up. That we don’t just get bandged from this world. WE can be made whole through HIS LOVE. The well is open, of LIFE water. COME and drink of it.

Difficult things will come, or hey will feel difficult at first. But, for those who put ALL and I mean ALL their FAITH and TRUST in GOD, HEAVEN will unfold before your eyes. Are you willing to give UP what WAS so you can receive HEAVEN on EARTH. I know for me, it has NOT been easy. I dare to say for us. For our kids, and my husband, surrender has been like pulling knives out of our backs. One at a time, they have been pulled out by Jesus. Then, we have sat wit HIM as He poured out HIS LOVE.

WE will NOT choose pain, fear, anger, hurt, unforgiveness, or anything else to be our GOD. Because too many are affected if we do. WE don’t always get to see the fruit, but GOD does, in our lives. Thankfully, WE see it in the lives of many others. We repent daily for places we may have fallen or faltered. God then restores. It hurts like HELL. In some sense it feels like being brow beaten at first. But, it is so very well worth it.

Will you choose crucifixion? Because serving CHRIST means dying. It means dying to whatever degree we are called to. It is MOST people’s greatest fear, to die. But, there can be no resurrection without it. I sat and looked at our child, our Heavenly gift. I sat and looked at the shell of who she was, after the ” life breath” was gone. I sit now under the blanket she left behind. I thought, how powerless is LIFE, but how powerful is our GOD. In ALL my life, I have never been so TERRIFIED. Yet, never in my life have I experienced such beautiful PEACE, as GOD was very much there.

I say this, not to glorify DEATH. I say this to GLORIFY God. I realized, that WE won’t always feel PEACE, but we can have an ANCHOR of it. When it was time to take our Butterfly into the hospital, I did not feel consumed with peace. But, it was present. What I felt was desperate. I was so desperate for GOD to help. I was so desperate for HIM, WE were. The 3 muskateers, that looked to HIM for our every breath. I cannot remember how many times I said that. There we were, and we ALL were terrified.

But, HERE is what the peace was in that circumstance. It was that GOD has a plan, and so many times, I just don’t get it, and in my flesh just want to go home to Heaven. I’m not saying I want to die. I am saying, it is a longing, because this of this world’s intensity, to go home. I know our daughter felt this, even more than me. She did not speak of it. She had an assignment here. Though it feels like she did not finish. I know she did. I had a vision of her. In the vision, it was an open vision, she was talking to Jesus. It was shortly after all the natural occurrences happened. Those associated with leaving THIS world and traveling into the next.

Today, I share this. It is very difficult for me, but I had to obey. Jesus offered her a way home. A ride, if you will. She looked at HIM and said, “Brother Jesus, I can go now. Because, now they KNOW. I was sent here to teach them how to LOVE you and be LOVED by you and NOW they KNOW. Now, they KNOW and can be used by you to teach others.

This time of year, when most of the rest of the world celebrates holidays, I am learning to celebrate HOLY days. In fact, WE are as a family. There have been people, for various reasons who have believed that we celebrate the death of our child. WE absolutely ONLY celebrate LIFE. We celebrate NEW LIFE. We celebrate HOLY transition. WE forgive false accusations, and we speak peace, Heavenly LOVE, and blessings over all those who see themselves as enemies.

http://www.openbible.info/topics/being_tested

I say this, because my HEART has got to be purified, and cleaned every day. If it is not, then things like hatred, pain, anger, bitterness, and other emotions, or spirits can have access. GOD does not want these things to control us. Do you know what He wants to feed our souls? It is HIS LOVE. IT comes in so many forms. IT comes through HIS word, as it washes us clean. IT comes through HIS kids. IT comes through HIM personally, when we have been purified to receive it.

What the ENEMY meant to harm you, GOD will use it for GLORY. IT will be used for HIS purpose, when it is surrendered to HIM. The enemy gets no victory in the life of Sarah Elizabeth Sharpe. He gets no victory in the lives of any of our children. I don’t know if it is considered a blessing or a curse sometimes. But, I often know when people are dying. I remember when God first told me about Sarah Elizabeth. I did not want to hear it. I ran from it for as long as I could. Until, I could NOT anymore. I did not keep this information secret on purpose. My natural self, really did NOT want to admit it. So, I didn’t until it admitted me. Meaning, when Sarah Beth got admitted, it was like ME getting admitted.

I have been in hospitals so many times. This time, WE could not let anyone come visit. It was disrespectful to GOD. It just had to be between HIM and her, and us. I’m not sure if my husband feels the same way as me. But, THIS time I felt, more than ever that every poke and prod, was ours. I don’t know if this makes any sense to anyone. I’m just sharing the story. WE died too. NOT in the exact same way, but yet, WE did. For various reasons, we did not sit with her 24/7. We had to TRUST God that HE would cover her. Because, David and I were just gone. I don’t know how we got through that 28 days. I know many were used to carry us in prayer. Thankful for that. To our family, and friends, we did NOT mean to hurt anyone by keeping people away. Please forgive us, if anyone felt disrespected or left out. WE had to obey GOD. That is who WE are.

We experienced HEAVEN and HELL at that time. But, HEAVEN far out weighed the HELL. It always does, when WE are willing to receive. WE got to hear her say, “Mommy, Daddy, I tried to come back, but I can’t. Because GOD needs me more. Forgive me.” So, today, I lay down my anger at her. It has been hidden in a place I did not know was there. I remember saying, “There is nothing to forgive.” But, there was. ALL the light that was there, went DARK that day. It was like a blackout. Yet, when we experienced HEAVEN, it was like a POWER SURGE.

I have always known, that receiving more of Heaven, meant surrendering what was. But, there was this piece of her in my heart. I treasured it. I did not keep it above God. It was right underneath HIM, in HIS arms. Today, I release that piece to receive more of HIS peace. Because, I cannot, even for a second, make even THIS about me. I mean, it is in a sense, but not in a sense. What it is about, is the LOVE of GOD. It is about God loving the world to bring us JESUS. IT is about God gifting us this beautiful angel, in human form. Why? Because, WE had missed out on what WE needed. Was it anyone’s fault? That is hard to say. But, what I do know is GOD will bring you HEAVEN if YOU are willing to receive it.

The hard part if YOU have to give up what you think is Heaven already? I hope this ministers to someone. Perhaps God had me be used to write it, to heal ME. To Heal, David, to heal the kids, to heal our family, that could be. But, whatever the reason, I was called as a vessel to share this story. For those who don’t think GOD is real, please just give HIM a chance. The alternative, no matter how fun it seems, is not worth it.

I have tried it ALL, and nothing works but RESTING in the ARMS of JESUS. Nothing. Enjoy Heaven baby girl, I know HE will lead you to GLORIOUS heights. I’m sure WE will continue to see you, amongst the clouds and storms. Thank you JESUS, for keeping safe forever this priceless gift. Thank you God for the testing, trying, and terrifying LIFE you give and gave. WE choose you again, this day. 

In His Grace,

E and Fam